Not Your Average Companions
by Crazy Sisters Incorporated
Summary: Rose healed him when he was broken. Martha traveled the world to save him. Donna caused him to smile like a friend should. Sam and Danielle...well, they made the Doctor go insane.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Do you honestly believe we could create Doctor Who? Anything we do own is guarded by our army of Adipose.

Written by: Nadie Evanescence & Canadian Monkey

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It was a night, but then again, almost all horror stories begin in the absence of the sun. The moon was peeking from behind a caravan of clouds to view a young girl dozing. She was wrapped in a cocoon of blankets surrounded by a clutter that only a teenage girl could create. Like all people, she had a name, Danielle Ira. Also like any teenage girl she was dreaming of a guy. She was dreaming of Orlando Bloom (hottest man on earth) and monkeys (coolest animals on earth). This dream was going well until a queer noise transformed it into a nightmare.

WHOOSH WHOOSH!!!!!!!

"Orlando, no, don't eat the monkey!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!" Danielle awoke with a scream. "That was weird."

She scanned her room taking in account the safety of all her stuffed monkeys scattered across her room and glaring at her Orlando Bloom poster. How dare he ask her to try monkey brains! Shame! Shame! She was so flustered and so tired that she was unable to register the large blue police box standing right in the middle of her bedroom. Oh, the human mind.

She began her descent into sleep when it hit her. "OMGC! There is a giant blue box in my room!" Just then, a man in a trench coat and converses walked out of the box into the teenage girl's room.

"Oh, hello! Do you know where I am?" said the funny trench coat man with a British accent.

"AAHH!! YOU PERV! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!" Danielle screamed as she jumped out of bed and began pulverizing the man with the only weapon she stored in her room, a pillow.

"STOP HITTING ME!! OUCH," screamed the poor, tortured man as he curled into the fetal position to try and avoid the agony.

"Wait! I know that voice," Danielle observed as she stopped hitting him and began to process the events. "The box, the voice, the trench coat, those awesome converses, and that sophisticated British accent. OMGC! You're the Doctor!"

"Geesh, you got an arm on you, girl."

"Oh, I'm sorry, but what do you expect? You are not supposed to burst into little girl's rooms, you stupid idiot."

"Sorry, I was trying to go to Barcelona but this thingy messed up my thingy," the Doctor tried to explain.

"You mean your TARDIS, and anyways, thingy is not a scientifically term, you stupid idiot."

"How did you know it was a TARDIS? And stop calling me a stupid idiot. It is a contradiction and not very nice, little girl."

"I'M NOT LITTLE! Oh my gosh!" Danielle exclaimed while she spun around to leave the room.

Danielle ran out screaming her big sister's name. "Sam, Sam!!" Another thought then possessed her, and she turned around and ran back to her room.

"You better stay right where you are, mister," the teen ordered and began once again to depart from the bedroom leaving the stunned alien standing in the middle of a fourteen year old girl's room.

The Doctor should have left.

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"Sam, Sam! You have to come here. I've got to show you something." Danielle screamed while sprinting down the hall that separated her room from her older sister.

Danielle barged into the room to find her older sister, Sam Ira, asleep over a textbook. "Awww!" she cooed upon seeing that image when a devious thought entered her head. She smiled mischievously and decided to wake her sister in the most sisterly way possible. She walked over to her sleeping sister, leaned over, and screamed her name right into her ear.

"What! I'm up!" Sam cried upon being rudely awakened. Dazed for a second, she found her sister grinning ear to ear by her right side. Angry at her impolite awakening, Sam did the only thing a big sister would do in a situation like this. She slapped Danielle across the head.

"What was that for!?" she yelled.

Danielle didn't even seem fazed by the attack and just pulled her confused sister out of the room with a simple, "Come here. You'll see."

"By the way," Danielle said off-handily while walking back to her room, "what were you studying?"

"U.S. History."

Danielle's grin grew even wider.

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AN: So that's our first chapter. Tell us what you think of it. As you can see, Danielle is a force to be reckoned with, and if you don't want to face the pillow attack of death, we suggest you review.

REVIEW!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: There once was a caterpillar named Theo who worked really hard to become a butterfly, but when he did he died. Do you want to know why? He heard that Nadie and CM do not own Doctor Who, and it broke his heart.

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Chapter 2

Sam could swear she was still dreaming. She just had to be dreaming. The Doctor, THE DOCTOR, was in her sister's room with the one and only blue TARDIS. He was sitting on Danielle's bed rubbing his sore head while investigating one of the several monkeys that called the room home.

"Sam, Doctor. Doctor, Sam," Danielle said pointing at each indicated person. "Now that we are formally introduced, we can talk about joining you, Doctor, on your travels."

"What!" the Doctor exclaimed standing up.

"WHAT?!" Sam hollered.

"Now you listen here, girl. I don't let just anyone I meet on the TARDIS."

"I have a test tomorrow, and I need to finish my chemistry lab."

"The universe is very dangerous place. It's not a place for two girls not even out of high school."

"I'm in my pajamas. I can't save the world in my Texas Longhorn pants, and do you honestly think Mom is going to let us go to the ends of the universe with a strange man?"

"QUIET!" Danielle screamed. This silenced the two protestors. "And to answer your question, Sam. One, he can just land us right back here a second later, and two, if you want permission…"

Danielle walked out of the room to her sleeping mother. Mrs. Ira was dead asleep.

"Mom," she whispered.

Mrs. Ira mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Can I and Sam go traveling with the Doctor?"

She mumbled something that _sounded_ like a 'yes'.

"Thank you," Danielle replied and kissed her mom on the cheek. Danielle walked back to her room, crossed her arms over her chest and said "Happy, Sam. Mom said yes so let's get going. THIS IS GOING TO BE SOME MUCH FUN!!" She screamed the last part while jumping up and down clapping happily.

"WAIT, WAIT!" Sam practically screamed, "Mom is virtually a zombie when she is asleep. Of course she said yes. You took advantage of that. We can't go."

Danielle stared down her sister with her arms crossed when she got an idea to get Sam to come. "Fine, have it your way." Danielle turned around to face the Doctor and asked, "Can I see your screwdriver?"

"Bloody no! Are you bonkers?! Screwdrivers are not for little kids!" Doctor screamed in shock. There was no way he was giving this little girl his precious screwdriver. No bloody way!

"Did you just call me a little kid?" Her eyes started to glow red with fury. The Doctor has faced Daleks, Cybermen, and the Devil himself, but this fourteen year old girl was the scariest thing he has ever seen.

"No?" he squeaked nervously. Scared that if he said yes the girl would kill him in a fashion that no regeneration could fix.

"Good!" she said sweet, innocent smile. "Now give me that screwdriver before I jack it." She ordered with her hand outstretched to receive it.

The Doctor does not want to fight with a fourteen year old girl so he hands it to her. This whole time Sam was wondering why her little sister wanted that darn screwdriver. Well as soon as Danielle got it, Sam found out. Danielle pushed that famous button, and the blue light streamed out. The second the light hit Sam, she fell to the ground unconscious.

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"Oi, you could have killed her!" the Doctor screamed.

Danielle just shrugged with a bored face and said. "Well, I didn't. Now help me get her into the TARDIS."

The Doctor was about to protest but then the same look came upon her teenage face that said 'Don't even think about arguing with me', and he decided not to. So he leaned over and picked up the poor girl.

"Bananas, this girl is light!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"Yeah, believe me I know," Danielle said sarcastically, "She weighs like 100 lbs. It's crazy." Danielle walked to her sister's room and packed her bags. She then came back to do the same for herself. Afterwards, she stood still in her bedroom and took in her surroundings. She had one more thing to do. Her eyes fell upon a little monkey hanging on the wall.

"Now Banananers, you be good and keep hanging on that wall. That goes the same to the rest of you, too. I am sorry I could not bring you all, but I can only fit so many of you monkeys in my bag, and George takes a lot of room. I love you. Bye."

"Are you ready to go yet, Danielle," asked a frustrated Doctor from the TARDIS.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming," said Danielle as she walked into the TARDIS with their bags. What she saw when she got in there was the Doctor still holding her older sister, trying to put her in a chair. "Ahhh, how romantic," she says in a high pitched voice, then her voice drops and she whispers out, "Perv."

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AN: There you go, you little hungry monkeys! Thanks for all the reviews, guys. We loved it. CM even woke me up just to show how many reviews and favorite stories alerts we got. I blame you for my lack of sleep. Please review especially if you want me to lose more sleep!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own thousands of stuffed monkeys, but Doctor Who? Really! If you think so, go get your brain scanned.

AN: Sorry we haven't updated as soon as expected. We had unavoidable distractions. But hopefully this chapter will make up for your deprivation of hilariousness. Oh, we put some sneezes in the story, too. When Danielle is talking, the word _sneeze_ means she is sneezing in between her words. Allonsy!

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Chapter 3

The TARDIS disappeared as it always does with its famous "Whoosh! Whoosh!". It left the room only a slight bit messier. The Doctor checked his screens to see how well the departure was and began punching in the new coordinates.

"So, Doctor where we going?" Danielle said while bouncing all over the place like a hyperactive monkey.

"Well, first of all, we're going to get your sister's head checked," he replied in a parenting voice.

"Man, that's no fun. Why?" Danielle whined.

He paused in his work of the TARDIS controls to try to intimidate her with a glare, which does not work. "Well, let's see. For starters, someone blasted her with a sonic wave with my sonic screwdriver which cold have injured her brain."

"You mean this one," Danielle said pulling the screwdriver out of her pocket.

"Hey!" the Doctor exclaimed snatching it out of her hands.

"What's so bad about her brain having a booboo? She's too smart for her own good already. It would do her some good if she could lose some IQ points."

The Doctor was flabbergasted. "She could die!" he cried in shock.

Danielle shrugged. "Oh, well that's a different story," she replied.

The Doctor stared at her in amazement. The teen gave him a puzzled look in return.

"Well, what you waiting for Mr. Serious? Hurry it up! Let go, go, go!" she ordered while clapping to show the importance of the need to go.

"Exactly," the Doctor agreed, "I'm programming the TARDIS to find the best hospital for brain injuries." He then turned back to the TARDIS controls to steer the time machine.

Danielle walked off to leave the Doctor fiddling with his controls and muttered, "I hope it's not that stupid kitty hospital."

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Much to Danielle's dismay, the TARDIS landed at that as previously said 'stupid kitty hospital'. Danielle bounced out of the TARDIS gleefully with the Doctor holding an unconscious Sam in tow, turned around to view the hospital, and upon seeing all the cat people walking around it, exclaimed, "Dang it!"

"What's wrong?" the Doctor questioned.

"I hate this stupid place!" Danielle screamed stomping her feet like a little two year old having a tantrum.

"Why?"

"You'll see in a minute," she moaned and began to trudge towards the building.

Upon entering the hospital, Danielle started to sneeze and cough uncontrollably. A nurse approached the trio and asked, "So is she our sick one?" pointing at Danielle.

"No," Danielle corrected in a stuffed up voice, "she _sneeze _is," pointing at Sam. "This imbecile _sneeze_ right here _sneeze_ used a _sneeze_ sonic screwdriver on her. Tsk! _Sneeze _Tsk!"

"Oh, my!" the nurse exclaimed and called in a gurney, "We should take her straight away for a CAT scan." The gurney arrived, and as the Doctor placed Sam on it, the nurse glared at him. She left, leaving the Time Lord and the human glaring at each other. Then all of a sudden, Danielle broke the tension-filled moment when she sneezed on the Doctor. The Doctor paused bemoaning his situation before handing Danielle a hanky with a grimace. He then pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer and rubbed it on his hands and face.

"What's wrong with you?" the Doctor asked while rubbing the sanitizer.

She stopped sneezing long enough to reply in a stuffed-up voice. "I'm allergic to cats."

This statement caused the Doctor to laugh till he couldn't breathe. He was bent over clutching his sides giggling at the absurdity of it all. Danielle glared at him, but the laughter was infectious, and she started to laugh also. They chuckled so hard and so loud that it echoed across the lobby.

The same nurse walked up to them, and in an angry voice inquired, "Why are you two laughing?"

The duo stopped giggling for a moment. Danielle turned her head and replied, "Cuz I'm allergic to you." This brought the two back into their fit of laughter.

The nurse just glared at them, and hissed, "Well, your friend just got out of the CAT scan. She is on Floor 99 Room 992329." and sauntered off.

The two stopped laughing. "You can go back to the TARDIS if you're feeling so miserable," the Doctor suggested.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?! I AM NOT LEAVING YOU ALONE WITH MY SISTER, YOU PERV! _Sneeze_" Danielle screamed causing a lot of stares from passersby.

"Shush! Shush! Quiet down, I am not a perv," the Doctor exclaimed putting his hand over her mouth to quiet her. He glanced at a nearby patient that was staring at him. "Oh, don't mind her. She's just hysterical, you know. I just got her from the psych ward," he said. The blue-skinned one eyed guy just stared at the duo and muttered, "Weirdoes," before walking off.

Danielle pushed his mouth off. "You are over 900 years old. My sister's seventeen, and I am fourteen. Eww! Though, it would be cool to have a Time Lord niece or nephew, but first, you two have got to get marry. You know what? I am going to plan the whole thing. Hooray!" With this declaration, Danielle started to skip down the hall screaming, "Hooray!". She then ran back to the Doctor because she was not going to leave him with her sister. The Doctor was once again stunned and staring at her with his mouth agape before he finally came to his senses.

"What makes you think I'm attracted to her?" he managed to stuttered.

Danielle crossed her arms and began to glare. "Are you calling my sister ugly? My sister is the most beautiful person I've ever met. Anyone would be lucky to have her. Thank you very much."

"Well, I am sorry if I offended her."

"You better be sorry. _Sniffle. _I hate my allergies," she replied as she wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"How about you go to the allergy ward and get some medication for that?" the Doctor suggested.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I am not leaving you alone with my sister!" Danielle yelled exasperatingly.

"Relax. Relax," said the Doctor sly, "Why would I hurt my fiancé? Now go on."

Danielle's face beamed at the word 'fiancé' "Okay!" she squealed and clapped her hands. After that, she turned and began to skip down the hall singing, "I am going to be a sister-in-law to a Time Lord," and ran up to a random person and sang, "And you're not."

The Doctor was left in the dust. _That girl really does belong in a psych ward, _he thought. He then looked at the sign on the adjacent wall._ Does she know that the allergy ward is in the other direction? _

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AN: Well there's chapter 3. My sister and I are having so much fun writing this. REVIEW or we'll send one Danielle with the Doctor's screwdriver after you. Oh, I have only one thing to say about _Torchwood: Children of Earth_. If you are about to go see an alien that has the ability to manipulate children and knows anti-viruses for deadly diseases, why would you bring the boyfriend who can die? Why Russell T. Davies?! Why?! Do you guys want to kill the entire cast in five years? (well except Jack, cuz he can't die and all that jazz) Nadie out.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: There is no way we own Doctor Who. We are so low on the importance pyramid that we have to wait for this coming Sunday to see _Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead_. BBC America is so mean sometimes.

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Chapter 4

Sam woke from her comatose state to see a peculiar sight. "David Tennant! What are you doing here?"

Then "David Tennant"said something even stranger than an actor watching over your sleeping body.

"Who's David Tennant?"

"WHAT?!", Sam hollered shooting straight up Dracula style coming out of her daze, "If you are not David Tennant, than who are you, man?"

"Wait, you mean you forgot everything. I told that incorrigible girl that pointing a screwdriver at you would cause serious damage. I am so, so sorry. Let me get the nurse. Nurse! Nur-umph!" rambled the Doctor nearly yelling out the last part of the rant before Sam covered his mouth with her hand.

"Relax. Relax. I know who I am. I'm Sam Ira. I am seventeen years old and a junior at a high school. I have a little sister named Danielle and a little brother named Zac. I live with my mom, my dad, and my grandmother. I own a black cat named Artemis Koschei. I know who I am; I just don't know you."

"Oh."

She took a breath after this comforting speech. Her eyes gazed around the strange room. She noticed she was still in her pajamas and was wrapped in a pale hospital blanket. The room she was occupying was a bland white with a sterile smell only hospitals and nursing homes produce. Unrecognizable machines were to her right while "David Tennant" was sitting in a leather chair to her left by a nightstand.

Danielle then suddenly appeared in the room licking a lollipop. "Oh, hi Sam. I see the Doctor has been keeping you company. He hasn't been a perv, has he? "

"What! The Doctor!" the teen exclaimed.

Danielle rolled her eyes condescendingly, "Yeah, Sam, the Doctor as in the last Time Lord. You know the TARDIS, Daleks, Cybermen, the whole nine yards and we're gonna be his companions." With this declaration, Danielle started to do her happy dance.

Sam turned away from this spectacle to look once more on the Doctor with different eyes. This was the Doctor, the Doctor. The one she's been watching since she was Danielle's age. This has to be a dream.

Suddenly, everything came back to her. "Wait a minute! I remember everything. Danielle Ira, You used the sonic screwdriver on me," Sam accused pointing at the jumping teen.

Danielle stopped her little happy dance to sweetly correct her sister, "No Sammy, I didn't do it. The Doctor did it. Don't you remember?" She had her head cocked to the side and batted her eyelashes in true sweet little girl fashion.

Sam just smirked, "Don't play that game, Danielle, I'm immune to it. You know I have perfect recall, and besides that's your lying voice."

Knowing that she has been defeated, Danielle decided to change the subject. "So how's the happy couple?" she sweetly questioned.

"WHAT?!" screeched Sam at the top of her lungs so loud that residents could hear it on the first floor. The Doctor winced at the sound and mentally groaned.

"Yeah, didn't he tell you? You two are getting married. It's the only way I can get a Time Lord niece or nephew. Plus, it is the only way I can trust him alone with you, Sam. He is such a perv."

Sam's face got as red as a beet. "Danielle, how dare you get me engaged while I'm unconscious which, by the way, was caused by you," she then swung to the bewildered Doctor, "And you, how dare you go along with it!"

The Doctor's face became red with embarrassment, and he realized that creating fear in others must be genetic. "It was the only way I could get her to shut up!"

"So, now she believes it will happen, and once Danielle says it will happen, it is gonna happen. I'm 17 years old, Doctor. I am jail bait."

"Not for long." Danielle interrupted.

The bickering couple just glared at the 'match maker'. "Fine," the Doctor said running his hand through his hair, "I'll call off the 'engagement', okay Sam."

"Okay."

"NO, IT'S NOT OKAY!! WAHH!" Danielle hollered and dashed out of the hospital room weeping about the loss of her Time Lord niece or nephew. This left the Doctor and Sam staring at the door in astonishment.

"I guess we got to go find her now?" the Doctor asked gloomily.

"Yeah, if we leave her here, my parents would kill me."

Both then sigh in unison and left mumbling "Oh, well."

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_And now, Nadie Evanescence's rant on the conclusion to Torchwood: Children of Earth._

Really! You just had to make Jack leave! What's next? Are you going to make Gwen die in childbirth so no one will be left? What is your problem? Are you like those people who hate their arm believing the limb is hideous and want to cut it off? Let me tell you. Torchwood is a great arm that anyone would kill to have. Stop killing off main characters and damaging your show!

_Uh, Nadie? Don't you have anything else to say?_

Oh yeah! Review people! It is our breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and good job on the Torchwood miniseries, Russell T. Davies. Besides my earlier complaints, it was the best thing I actually think you ever written for both shows and I highly recommend it to anyone. Nadie out.

_Sorry guys sometimes she loses it but we love her. I don't know why we do, but we do. _CM


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: We do not own the rights to Doctor Who, but we do own season one and three of it. Does that count?

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Chapter 5

The pair finally found the weeping teen on a stairwell leading to the 90th floor gasping into an inhaler while crying and clinging to a stuffed three-eyed purple monkey thing. To be honest, Danielle had no clue what the creature stolen from the gift shop was, but it resembled a monkey, and that was all that mattered to her.

"Fantastic, how did you know she was going to be on the stairwell, Sam?" the Doctor asked amazed.

"Simple, I knew she is too impatient to wait for the elevator, and she couldn't get down all the stairs. That doesn't explain the … thing she's carrying," Sam proudly explained.

Danielle took another puff from the inhaler. "It's a three-eyed monkey with purple fur. Are you calling me fat?"

"No, I'm calling you unfit."

"Which is just another word for fat, and it's not like you can get down all the stairs either."

"Duh! I'm unfit too."

The Doctor bravely intervened before the two started a cat fight. He guided the pair out of the stairwell to a nearby elevator while they continued the bickering until they both surrendered with a sisterly hug, and all was forgiven. Then, it was quiet… too quiet, so the Doctor made the idiotic decision to start the insane chatter of Danielle Ira.

"So, Danielle, where did you get the stuffed slastvon?" he politely asked.

"The what?"

"The three-eyed purple monkey you are cradling like a baby."

"Oh," Danielle exclaimed, "so that's what Bob is called, a slast-don't-you-wish-your-girlfriend-was-hot-like-me-von. Well, you see, I was running, and I saw this cute slast-don't-you-wish-your-girlfriend-was-hot-like-me-von sitting in the window looking at me with his big adorable eyes, and I just had to have it, so I stole it and ran. You know, I thought the future would have better security. I mean, this is a hospital. A vampire could come in here and steal a bunch of blood, and nobody would notice."

The Doctor just stared at the teen stupefied by the mention of vampires.

Danielle sniffled. "I named him Bob. He will take the place of the Time Lord niece or nephew I'll never have." This statement started more water works.

The Doctor began to feel pity for the sniffling teen and made the worst decision he could ever make. "Danielle, I'm sorry I'm not going to marry your sister, but I've lately had some relationship problems."

Danielle blew her nose. "What relationship do you mean? Donna?"

The Doctor eyes grew huge, "Yeah. How…"

Sam interrupted, "Don't forget Martha."

"Oh yeah, and Rose."

The Doctor took a step back from the two girls in shock.

"Jack."

"Joan."

"Madame de Pompadour."

He took another step as his mouth started its descent.

"Sarah Jane."

"River."

"Tree Lady."

"Lady Christina."

"Malcolm"

The Doctor was starting to feel dizzy now.

"And the Master."

"What?"

"Yeah, according to some Fan Fiction writers, he was in a relationship with the Master."

"Wow, that would explain the weird things they said during that phone conversation. That's really tragic."

"Yeah, I think that's why I read them."

"You know what Sam? I believe the Doctor is a man-whore."

The two teens then returned their attention to the Doctor who by now had his back to the elevator with his mouth hanging to the floor looking like he was about to faint. "So, Doctor did we forget anyone?" Sam asked nonchalantly.

The Doctor's mouth flapped open and shut like a fish before his senses came back to him and processed Danielle's last statement. "I am not a man-whore!" he screamed.

Danielle brushed it off, "Really because I counted 14 right in that exchange, and knowing how old you are, there is probably more where that came from."

"So, how did you know about all of them anyways?" The Doctor inquired.

"A magician never reveals her secrets," Sam replied mysteriously while Danielle waved her fingers in a mystifying manner.

"Oh, so you're a magician now," countered the Doctor crossing his arms.

"Well to be honest, I do have a replica of Harry Potter's wand," Sam remarked.

"Yeah, and I have a dress so I can be her assistant," Danielle added, "It's pretty." This statement was told in the manner of a five-year old.

"You're really not going to tell me."

Sam smirked. "Of course not Doctor, the fate of the universe may be at risk if I did." She cocked her head to the side and pondered her last remark. "You know, it is cool saying 'the fate of the universe may be at risk'. It makes you sound important."

The elevator pinged announcing the end of their descent. The trio disembarked and proceeded to leave the hospital. The Doctor tried to ignore the glares from the nurses at the front desk as he discharged Sam. It seemed word spread through the nursing staff of Danielle's lie concerning Sam's injury.

"She needs plenty of rest," the nurse explained to the Doctor and handed him a book.

"What's this?" he asked.

"A manual on sonic screwdrivers."

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"So, Danielle, you know when I was talking about how sorry I was that I dashed your hopes of having a Time Lord niece or nephew?" the Doctor asked. They were walking through the field of grass to the TARDIS situated on a hill.

"Yeah, how can I forget that? It traumatized me." she replied helping Sam up the hill. The recently unconscious young woman was still a bit woozy, and there was no way Danielle would let that perv carry her up now that their engagement was off.

"Well, I thought I'd make it up to you. I'll agree to your demand of you two traveling with me."

Danielle squealed with delight. "You hear that Sam? We are going to travel with the Doctor!"

"Hooray," Sam mumbled. She was getting tired. "You know, I'm going to need a new set of clothes," she announced as she glanced at her pjs.

"No worries," Danielle replied, "I packed a bag of clothes for both of us. It's in the TARDIS."

"Why would you go and do that when I might just drop you two off at your house?" the Doctor asked as he unlocked the TARDIS and stepped inside along with the other two.

"Because I told you we were going to travel with you."

The Doctor was surprised at this explanation. "Really?"

"It's like I told you, Doctor," Sam explained as she sat in the pilot seat to rest, "When Danielle says something going to happen, it will happen." She smiled evilly at him, "She is like a soothsayer who makes the prophecy come true."

"Yup!" Danielle squeaked happily, "That is why I'm going to go and plan the wedding." With that, she skipped off into the labyrinth of corridors leaving the doomed couple to their own devices.

Thus the adventures of Danielle and Sam Ira began.

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AN: And there is chapter 5. Hope you like. REVIEW and tell me. Because if you don't, next time we'll tell the nurse you did it.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Okay, there is going to be some singing in this chapter. We are going to change the font to show when the person is singing.

_**This is our mystery perv's singing .**_**This is Danielle's horrible singing. She sounds like a banshee. **_This is Danielle's good singing__._This is the Doctor's singing.The singing is in the tune of the song _Angel of Music_. Hope you like our really long chapter. The disclaimer is at the bottom.

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Chapter 6

The Doctor fiddled with his controls and did his dash around the console trying to get the coordinates right. Danielle insisted they go to this place, and he did not want to witness the girl's anger if he fails to land them there. Quite frankly, the girl scared him. Finished, he let the TARDIS guided them to the destination and turned to face Sam who ,after having a nap, appeared dressed in jeans and a shirt, immediately sat on a couch the TARDIS placed in the control room and began to read a book she grabbed from the library.

"So, are you going to tell me why Danielle insisted on going to an opera house in 19th century France?" he inquired.

Sam glanced up at him and grinned. "Oh, this is something you're going to have to see for yourself."

The Doctor pouted and gave her his puppy dog eyes. "Not even a hint?"

Sam laughed. "She's got a bone to pick with someone there."

"How could she have a problem with someone who lived over 100 years before her?"

"It's in recorded history, Doctor. I told her about this guy once, and she freaked. She called him a perv." She glanced up from her book again and grinned manically. "You better be careful, Doctor. She sometimes calls you a perv."

By this time, the TARDIS had landed, and Danielle arrived dressed in a ninja outfit carrying a tote that looked very full. In her arms, she was cradling Bob the slastvon.

"About time! What took you so long?" the Doctor exclaimed joyfully. He was about to go on another adventure, and he could feel the adrenaline kick in.

"I had to get my equipment," Danielle replied patting her tote. She then turned to Sam. "You sure you don't want to come with?"

"No," knowingly said the Doctor, "the nurse told me that she needs plenty of rest." He glared at Sam who got the message and stood up.

"I guess that's my cue to take another nap. Have a nice time, guys."

"Oh, can you take Bob with you? He needs a nap, too," Danielle asked. Sam apathetically shrugged causing Danielle to gingerly place the toy slastvon in her arms. The Doctor and Danielle began to exit the TARDIS when Sam cried, "Don't forget to keep your hands at the level of your eyes."

(AN: Any guesses at who the perv is?)

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They found the opera house twenty minutes later. They climbed the stairs that led to a white building resembling a palace. Once inside, they were amazed by the interior of the building with its two grand staircases, velvet carpet, and priceless decorations. They soon came to a deserted auditorium where Danielle stopped.

"So why are we at an opera house again?" Doctor asked.

"No time to explain. Just remember to 'keep your hands at the level of your eyes'," Danielle replied in mission-mode.

The Doctor gave up the interrogation and followed her down the aisle to the stage. Danielle jumped up on the stage. "Now, take a seat and enjoy the show, but be ready to run at any moment." She then began to take a stereo out of her tote. She fiddled with the stereo as the Doctor sat and scanned his surroundings. He took one look at the crystal chandelier, and his stomach dropped.

"Danielle, this guy doesn't happen to be the Phantom of the Opera?" he nervously asked.

"Oh, but of course! He's a big perv, you know. Christine was, like, 16, and he was about 40 or 50 years old. Perv," she replied.

"But the Phantom is a fictional character, Danielle."

"Yeah, but according to Sam the author wrote the book like it was real, and I thought, 'hey maybe he exists then'. I mean, I'm here with you."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"A magician's assistant never reveals her secrets," she replied with the same wiggling hands as before.

She returned to fiddling with the stereo again for a few more minutes, and then with the bravado of a high class performer, she turned pompously to the Doctor. "Prepare to be amazed."

The Doctor sat smugly back in his seat and rolled his eyes. '_Oh yeah, like this going to work.'_

Danielle cupped her mouth and began to scream, "Oh Mr. Phantom, it is I, the one who will steal Christine's part. Allow me to demonstrate." She cleared her throat, winked at the Doctor, and then began to sing a very, very off-key rendition of '_Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'_ that could make the worst American Idol contestant look spectacular. Nothing happened, leaving the Doctor and Danielle with the echoes of the banshee screeches.

"Ha!" the Doctor gloated, "I told y…"

The Doctor was about to say 'I told you so' but he was interrupted by a voice singing very loudly _**"WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER AND STEALS CHRISTINES PART!"**_

**"It is I, Danielle Ira, who obviously knows more than the Doctor,"** Danielle "sang" and then turned to face the Doctor, "_Ha_," she smugly sang, and it actually sounded in tune.

The Doctor just sat there stunned, but quickly recovered. "That could be…"

THUD!

The Doctor slowly turned his head to see someone was behind him. "Ah!" He jumped up to see a man wrapped in a black cape with a white mask that covered half his face and was in stark contrast with his cape. _'Oh my gosh! It is the Phantom of the Opera! If he can exist, what other fictional character can exist?'_

"**Doctor, don't forget to keep your hands at the level of your eyes!" **

The Doctor's hands flew up to his head in a split second, "Oh, hi!" He waved nervously with them still beside his head.

Danielle's hand went up to her head too, but with the other, she created flourishing motions.

**"Now, Mr. Phantom, I will show you the future of your lovely opera." **

With one hand still by her head, she produced the Doctor's sonic screwdriver form her pant's pocket.

"How did you get my sonic screwdriver?" 

The Doctor was dumbfounded by what he just did. _'Why did I just sing?' _he thought. _'Oh yeah, it's a musical. I sound pretty good in this regeneration.'_

Danielle ignored the Doctor's musical interlude and turned the sonic screwdriver on the stereo. The music that the stereo emitted caused the Phantom great pain. His face twisted into a look of pain as he collapsed and rived on the floor. He twitched as if he was in a seizure and even began to attempt to rip his ears off.

"_**What is that dreadful noise**_?" the Phantom screeched remarkably still in song while convulsing.

Danielle smirked. "**It is the Who's rock opera**."

Satisfied in torturing her victim, she then turned the music off and gathered her things. She sauntered over to the Doctor who was dumbly staring at the still twitching composer. She leaned over her masterpiece grinning manically. "_And the Phantom of the Opera is there on the floor__**,**_" she sang this in a sweet angelic voice that did not match the devilish gleam in her eyes.

Danielle's singing brought the Doctor out of his stupor. "Wow! You can really sing," he remarked.

"You really thought I sounded that horrible? Shame on you, Doctor! I just sounded like that so the perv won't fall in love with my phenomenal voice."

"Oh and don't forget your humility. We wouldn't want him to fall in love with your humility," the Doctor quipped fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"Quite right," Danielle replied.

The Phantom was slowly recovering form his trauma and managed to let out a weak, "_**Why**_?" Danielle heard this and leaned closer to the wounded man. s

"Why?" she asked innocently. "IT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE A PERV!" This last comment was yelled into the poor man's ear causing more damaged to the already injured body part. Calmed, she straightened up and smiled sweetly into the Doctor's confused face. "Now, Doctor, I believe this is a good moment for us to run. Don't you think? I mean, you did get your doctorate in this field."

The Phantom began to moan and slowly began to attempt to rise. The Doctor took one look at this image, stammered out an agreement, and off the pair ran into the Paris night.

******************************************************

They managed to get a comfortable amount of space between them and the Phantom before they allowed themselves a chance to catch their breath (or at least Danielle's breath; the Doctor was unfazed) and began a walking pace towards the TARDIS. It was at this time that the Doctor noticed the exact size of Danielle's tote bag.

"How did you manage to get a portable stereo into that small bag?" he asked suddenly feeling the confusion his companions have when they see the TARDIS.

Danielle patted the Doctor on the head. "Silly Doctor, it's bigger on the inside. I stole it from your wardrobe. I thought you being a Time God or whatever, you would figure that out."

"Time Lord," the Doctor corrected, "How do you even know what species I am anyway?"

"A magician's assistant never reveals her secrets."

"You know, that is getting very old."

"Yeah, but if I say 'I'm not telling so stop asking, you big dummy.', you would pout because I bruised your ego."

The Doctor sighed in exasperation. "Fine, but stop stealing from me. If you want something, ask. I'm usually an unselfish guy which reminds me. Give me back my sonic screwdriver back."

"Oh, alright," Danielle moaned. She dug into her pocket for the thing and handed it to the alien.

He childishly snatched the device from her hands and began to inspect it for deformities.

"Are you okay, Sonic? She didn't hurt you, did she?" he muttered.

"OMGC! Are you talking to your sonic screwdriver?!" Danielle exclaimed.

"There is nothing wrong with talking to something. Sonic has feelings, and you violated it," The Doctor retorted. "I saw all of those monkeys in your room. You've never talked to them?"

"Hey, what happens between me and my monkeys is none of your business!"

Luckily, they arrived at the TARDIS before the argument became violent. They entered the time machine with the Doctor brooding and cradling the sonic screwdriver, and Danielle glaring at him snickering and muttering, "He named it Sonic like the hedgehog."

"Hey guys!" greeted Sam. She was back on the couch reading the book. It was like she didn't even move except for the fact that this time she had a cup of tea. "How did the mission go?"

"Target neutralized," Danielle replied while beginning to leave the control room to change. "Bob's still sleeping?"

"Yeah, he is sleeping in your room." With that, Danielle was out leaving a relaxed Sam and a mentally exhausted Doctor.

"Rough day?" Sam asked handing him a cup of tea.

"Well, I did just see a fictional character who I thought didn't exist."

"Yeah, that explains it. I am surprise her half-baked plan actually worked."

"I am, too," replied the Doctor accepting the cup and sitting next to her on the couch. "How can the Phantom of the Opera even exist? He's fiction. Really, I got the book in the library."

"I know," said Sam standing her book up to reveal its spine. It read _The Phantom of the Opera_. "I've been dieing to read it." She scrunched her face up in thought. "Maybe there is something about this dimension. Like maybe, here, fictional characters can exist on paper or on screen and also in real life. I mean, the creators have to get inspiration somewhere."

"You're telling me that somewhere in the universe there could actually be Snow White living with seven dwarfs?" asked the Doctor felling once again like the companion.

"Yeah, and there could also be a mouse named Mickey."

"That's just strange. What if we meet them? That would be fantastic but also surreal," the Doctor rambled.

"Now you know how I felt when I first saw you," mumbled Sam.

"What?"

"Nothing," squeaked the teen. "I'm going to get some Oreos. Adios." She then walked out towards the kitchen.

_So_, thought the Doctor as the epiphany hit him, _I'm a_ _fictional character_. A smile burst onto his face. _Fantastic!_

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Disclaimer:

Nadie: Why do we not own _Doctor Who_?

CM: 42

Nadie: Why do we not own _The Phantom of the Opera_?

CM: 42

Nadie: Why do we not own the Who's rock opera?

CM: 42

Nadie: Why do we not own this allusion to _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? _

CM: 24

A/N: Okay, Canadian Monkey, you got some explaining to do. _What do you mean_? Why did Danielle choose the Who's rock opera to torture the Phantom? _I saw it on TV one day, and I was like 'what the heck is this'. It was freakin' crazy. The Who's were on something when they made it, I think. If you want to get your mind blown into a million bits, watch it seriously._ Sorry I asked. Hope no one was offended. To be honest, any type of modern music would have probably made the Phantom's 19th century mind explode. I personally would have done some modern classical music. Review! Review! Review!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer:

CM: Nadie can I have a monkey?

Nadie: No.

CM: Can I own Doctor Who and Dexter's Laboratory?

Nadie: No! That's Russell T. Davies and…well I don't know who owns Dexter's Laboratory, but you can't own it.

CM: What about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Can I own that?

Nadie: NO!! That belongs to Douglas Adams. Sheesh girl! Do you want us to go to jail?

CM: You are so unfair. (runs away crying)

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Chapter 7

"Oi! You two come in here!" the Doctor hollered down the corridor as he punched in the final coordinates for the destination. Out from the dark corridor, came a very grumpy Danielle. "Where's Sam?" he asked.

"I'm here. I'm here," the older teen cried as she appeared stumbling into the control room. She continued walking and would have almost walked into one of the columns if the Doctor didn't jerk her back so she wouldn't. One look told him what was off.

"Sam, where are your glasses?" he asked

"I don't know," she replied as she tried to steady herself from the Doctor's life-saving jerk. "I took a shower, and when I came back, they were gone. I was looking for them when you called for us."

Danielle just stood by and giggled.

The Doctor stared at her thinking '_Why is she laughing? Very suspicious.'_ "Right. We are going to have to remedy that quick because I got a new place for us to go!"

The response to his declaration was two teenage girls staring at him with a 'not again' look and a sigh.

"Yay," he weakly exclaimed. Again, the two stared at him. "Okay, what's so wrong about us going somewhere? I thought you two wanted that. You're the ones that forced me to take you traveling."

"Is this going to be someplace super boring like the last place you just took us?" Danielle rudely asked.

"What was boring about the verbal pool of Klexxon 3? It's a universal wonder."

"It was a talking slime pool in the middle of a desert, and that was all. The pool didn't even say anything interesting. All he did was recited some stupid alien version of Shakespeare," she responded.

"The poem, _By the Glorious Light Emitted from Lady Hando Kloria of Pith_, is not stupid. It is the national poem of the Klexxon Confederacy. Besides, it is nothing like Shakespeare. It is more like Dickenson."

"Yeah whatever," Danielle retorted. She leaned over to Sam and whispered into her ear, "It sill think a Vogon could have written a better poem."

"Don't worry, Danielle," the Doctor comforted. "We are not going to be close to the Klexxon-Bradick galaxy. We are going to Barcelona, the planet, not the city. There will be many interesting things on Barcelona, like dogs without noses."

"Joy," muttered the young teen.

**DING!**

The noise echoed throughout the spaceship causing a look of terror to flash across the Doctor's face. He turned to the girls, ordered them to not touch anything, and sprinted out of the control room.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Sam as she felt her way around the TARDIS control room.

Danielle smirked. "I tried to make popcorn. He made me bored by taking us to that stupid talking slime pool, and as you know when I'm bored I get hungry. I had to do something to get over that funk. So I thought 'What happens when you make popcorn on the TARDIS'. I guess we are finding out."

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shouldn't we go help him?" Sam inquired.

"Well, you are disabled, and I don't want to help so let's just stay here. He's fought in the Time War. I think he could handle popcorn."

"AH! Back! Back you go! The Time Lord commands you!!"

The screaming continued to be the only response form the Doctor for 10 minutes. Amazingly, not once did he call for help. This left a blind Sam to walk around the control room looking for a place to sit and Danielle getting more and more bored by the second with an itchy button pushing finger. "He better hurry up. I'm getting really, really bored." Danielle complained.

"Ow! That wasn't very nice of you! Ah! My leg!"

"Well he sounds like he's busy," replied Sam as she closely inspected the object in front of her to see if it was a seat. "Hey, I found the door."

"Hmpf." Danielle scanned the TARDIS controls. Her eyes fell upon an inconspicuous lever. "Ooo. What does this lever do?" Naturally, she pulled the lever and the TARDIS lurched.

Sam would have said, 'Oh, how very Didi of you to say.', but at the moment the TARDIS lurched, Sam was unfortunately leaning against the door which also unfortunately popped open making her fall out. All she got out was " Oh how very Di-ekkkkkk!" Sam had fallen into the unsuspecting universe, and all Danielle could do was stare as she fell.

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AN: OMGC! Sam fell out! Will she live or will she die? Only to know is to read the next chapter, but we are holding it hostage until next week because school will be starting soon, August 6 to be exact.

Nadie: Why do I always get hurt?

CM: Because Nadie no one likes a know-it-all skinny person!

Nadie: You're just jealous.

CM: Shut up or I'll make you die!

Nadie: I write the story! I control the story I can make you die!

CM: You're so mean! (and off she runs again crying some more)

REVIEW!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer:

Nadie: OMGC CM! Did you know that Doctor Who once had a racial slur?

CM: Really!

Nadie: Yeah. I read in Doctor Who Magazine. In the Celestial Toymaker story, they used the n word.

CM: It is a good thing that we don't own it, cause I don't want to be responsible for that.

Nadie: Agreed.

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Chapter 8

_The penguins are having a parade. I can see the banners of gold and pink. The little ones are tooting their kazoos, and the big ones are banging their drums. I tap my feet to their jaunty tune, but the penguins don't like that. They don't want me to participate. They are coming towards me now. I don't like that glint in their eyes. How did the banners turn into scythes? How did the kazoos turn into machine guns? Why don't the penguins want me to join their parade?!? _

Sam opened her eyes to a land of blurs. Her eyes roamed across a dank room of gray blurs and a kaleidoscope of blurs right above her. (In reality, the gray blurs were rocks, and the kaleidoscope was the portal that Sam went through to get there.)

She attempted to stand up but the floor became a trampoline that brought her back on her butt. (Not really.) "Ow!" she giggled and began to bounce where she sat. "This is a really good trampoline."

"Who. Is. There?" a robotic voice asked. From the shadows came, to Sam's point of view, a white blur.

"Oh, pleasure to meet you, Mr. Blur. I'm Sam," Sam cheerfully greeted while she held out her hand to shake and came into contact with something cold and metallic.

"Oh, you're cold. Here, take my jacket."

(Can anyone guess who Mr. Blur is? Hint, hint, he is a recurring villain, but that doesn't mean he is evil.)

_Meanwhile, on the TARDIS_……….

'_OMGC! I killed my sister_,' her brain screamed. '_Mom and Dad are going to kill me, too. Mom's going to cry and Dad's going to tell me he hates me. Zac's going to thinks he's the favorite. Then, I'll say they still love me. Then, they will say that they don't anymore. Then there is the funeral. I have nothing black to wear. Oh, wait yes I do! I have that nice black sweater dress. Duh! What about my monkey? What will they wear? Poor Arty! He must have known. He's already black. OMGC! Arty can see the future! Cool! Awesomtastic! But that must be why he hates me. He knew I'd kill her, and she's the only reason he gets to stay. Oh, no!'_

"I'm so sorry Artemis," Danielle whispered.

"Who is Artemis?" the Doctor asked suddenly appearing by Danielle's side. He was bruised and battered with his clothes askew and popcorn in his hair.

"AH!" Danielle screamed and jumped twenty feet into the air. Once returning to the floor, she began a series of punches into the Doctor's arm.

"Ow! What is this for? I've done nothing!"

"It's for sneaking up on me, you big perv!" Danielle hollered throwing in one last punch.

"Okay. Okay," the Doctor said rubbing his arm. "Where's Sam?"

"Um…….." Danielle stuttered as she grabbed some popcorn out of the Doctor's hair to steal some time. She chewed the pieces thoroughly until she finally thought of a clever enough excuse. "She's in the bathroom." _'I am so good'_, she thought.

"Okay." The Doctor seemed satisfied with that answer and leaned against the rail humming a jaunty tune.

"What are you doing?" Danielle nervously asked.

"Oh," cheerfully replied the Doctor while he inspected some invisible lint on his sleeve, "I'm waiting for Sam to return so we can go to Barcelona together. I don't want to wait for her when we arrive."

"Um… alright," the girl squeaked.

Danielle nervously shuffled over to the Doctor to continue the charade. Minutes flew by as the guilty teen nervously tapped her foot and bit her lip. She glanced over at the Doctor who seemed to be blasé about the situation. He was twiddling his thumbs as he hummed a song from _The Phantom of the Opera_. As he came to the last measure, he observed the time on his watch.

"Wow, she sure takes a long time in the bathroom," he remarked.

"Yeah," Danielle agreed, "I seriously think she needs more fiber in her diet." She turned her head to see the alien continue his time-wasting antics. "Um… Doctor? Can I ask you a rhetorical question?" she nervously asked.

"Yeah," he nonchalantly replied as he took out of his pocket a Rubik's cube and began to play with it.

"Say that I decided to make some jelly beans, and you ran off to get them, but it went horribly wrong, and you were stuck in the kitchen for a while."

"Ok. Jelly beans. Got it," he offhandedly remarked as he got the top row correct.

"Now, that leaves Sam and me here in the control room, and I'm bored to tears with an itchy button pushing finger."

"Button-pushing finger. Alright." He continued to crack the puzzle.

"Rhetorically speaking, I would pull that lever with the silver bands on it."

"Oh, you mean the parking brake?" He started the third row never looking up once to see Danielle's face paling.

"Um… yeah the parking brake. I would pull it, and Sam would then rhetorically fall out of the TARDIS. What would happen?"

"Well," he stated as he tried a different method to solving the cube, "The TARDIS would create an emergency air pocket that would prevent Sam from suffocating and exploding the moment she stepped out. She would then be floating helplessly in space until she either landed onto some hopefully peaceful planet or someone caught her. Aha!" he cried. "I solved the Rubik's cube. It took me a bit longer than it usually takes me, but I had to listen to your question. It doesn't mean that I'm growing senile in my old age." He laughed it off. "Now why would ask me about that?"

He looked up to see the teen's ashen face and the fear in her eyes. His eyes grew huge as reality hit him. "Rassilon," the Doctor cursed and began frantically to type on the keyboard and pull some levers, "I told you not to touch anything!" he hollered as he banged a mallet.

"I was bored! You took us to a talking slime pool! A freaking talking slime pool that spouts out poetry, for crying out loud! Poetry that wasn't even good, and then there was the popcorn, and the lever, and a blind Sam. THE CAT'S GOING TO KILL ME!!" Danielle started to cry and cataracts of tears started to gush from her eyes.

"Now stop crying," said the Doctor soothingly as he glanced up from the screen. "No cat is going to kill you."

Danielle sniffled. "You haven't met Sam's cat. He is ferocious. He takes after his middle name."

The TARDIS consol binged. The Time Lord's head shot back towards the screen. His eyes sped across the monitor as he read the information.

"Please tell me that we have good news," Danielle pleaded.

The Doctor took a step back form the controls and ran his hand through his hair. "Well… it depends. She landed somewhere, so she isn't floating out in space losing oxygen."

"How is that a bad thing?"

"If she was floating out in space, it would have made this rescue mission a whole lot easier." He put his glasses on and observed the screen again. "It seems like Sam went through a hyperspace gateway that sent her to the Meeloon mines. It says here that they have been abandoned for decades. We don't have to worry about her meeting hostile life forms, but it is light years away from us."

"That's nothing for the TARDIS, right?"

The Doctor beamed at Danielle. "Oh, that's child's play for her." He punched in the new coordinates and released the parking brake. "Now, Danielle, Allonsey to the Meeloon mines!" The columns pulsated signaling the TARDIS traversing the universe carrying the Time Lord and teen to save Sam. The Doctor looked up at the column with a smile plastered on his face but it soon became a frown.

"What's the matter, Doctor?" asked Danielle sensing the Doctor's discomfort.

"I'm never going to Barcelona, am I?" he sighed gloomily.

"Yup."

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AN: We told you we would be back. Muwah! Ha! Ha! Hope you like this chapter. We are still going to show each one every week. Review! Reviews are happy pills, and we seriously need them now that school is back.

CM: Yeah 10th grade is so hard! I don't think I'm going to survive. (cowers under desk crying.)

Nadie: (shaking head) Sophomores. Seniors rule!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: If we owned Doctor Who, we would make it mandatory to learn about Harold Saxon in Nadie's government class.

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Chapter 9

"Mr. Blur, would you like more tea?" Sam inquired handing him what she believed to be a teapot. It was, in actuality, a rock.

"Yes. Please," the mysterious blur responded.

Sam turned the "teapot" sideways over another rock. "Would you like some sugar?"

"Yes," Mr. Blur replied.

Sam then put some dirt that she believed to be sugar over the rock. She looked around the mine scratching her head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Blur, I've seemed to have misplaced the milk."

"It. Is. Okay. I. Don't. Like. Milk. With. My. Tea."

Sam squealed with delight. "That's fantastic. Now, let's drink. Cheers." Sam and Mr. Blur clinked rocks and proceeded to drink the tea which was met with some difficulty.

"Mr. Blur, are you getting any tea?" asked a very puzzle teenage girl.

"No."

At this moment, Danielle walked in on the tea party to see her mysterious guest and Sam closely inspecting a rock.

"OMGC! Sam, are you okay? It hasn't hurt you?" she cried.

Sam just stared at her in puzzlement. "What do you mean blur that sounds like Danielle?" she asked.

Danielle's eyes grew huge in fear. "What did you do to her?!" she demanded from Mr. Blur, but realization hit her. "Oh, yeah," she said while hitting her head, "She doesn't have her glasses. Here you go, Sam." She handed the bewildered teen her spectacles.

Sam put the glasses on and took another look at the "teacup". "Oh, it's a rock!" she exclaimed. "They make hot coca not tea!" Danielle stared at her.

"How. Could. We. Be. So. Stupid?" said Mr. Blur.

Sam turned to him and replied, "Yeah, I know. I would think you would know because you got your lens on." She turned back to the freaked-out Danielle, but a thought possessed her and rotated her head back to Mr. Blur.

"Hey, why didn't you tell me you were a Dalek?"

******************************************************

The Doctor turned the radio dial connected to the TARDIS control panel praying he would get a reception emitted from the head phones he was wearing.

"Sam, what is wrong with you? Are you high? Those rocks do look like pain pills to me."

The Doctor shot up in the air with excitement. "Danielle!" he cried. "Oh thank goodness! Where are you?"

"Where am I?! What about you?! Why did you abandon me and leave it to me to traverse these creepy mines. These mines have spiders the size of grapefruit, and I am terrified of giant spiders." She then began to whimper.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and sighed. "I didn't abandon you, Danielle. You ran out of the TARDIS before I even had it properly landed. It was good fortune that I gave you a com-set before you left and can use it to track you down. What else would you expect me to do?"

"Come after me like the space hero you are," she replied matter-of-factly.

"I'm more of an intellectual space hero not a gun slinging, action packed space hero."

"Yeah, that is Jack, and he is so much cooler."

"Oi! I am much cooler than that space cowboy." he cried. The Doctor tapped some keys and pinpointed Danielle's location. "Danielle, have you found Sam yet?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I got your location. You two stay where you are. The TARDIS hasn't found Sam's glasses yet, so we are going to have to lead her back to the TARDIS," he said as he printed a map of the mines with the girls' location.

"Oh, no worries. Sam's got her glasses."

This puzzled the Doctor. "How can she have her glasses? Oh."It hit him. "That was dastardly of you, Danielle."

"I was bored! You took us to a talking slime pool, Doctor. What did you expect me to do?"

"Alright, I get it," he replied. _'Last time I take you to a literary wonder,' _he thought. He grabbed a com-set and walked to the door. He put his coat on being careful to put the map in his front packet. "I'm going after you two. Stay right where you are. See you in a bit."

"Fine, Mr. Boring Action Hero."

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A/N: There you go! We hope you like it. Review! Review! Review! If you are wondering what we meant when we said Artemis takes after his middle name, we mention it in Chapter 4. If you get it, you are either really smart or a really obsessed Doctor Who fan. We're both.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: There is no way we own Doctor Who. Trust me, we are not professionals. If we were professionals, Nadie wouldn't giggle ever time she reads the word 'decimate' in her history textbook.

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Chapter 10

"Don't know why you are freaking out, Danielle?" Sam commented as Danielle pushed her away form Mr. Blur who she recently found out was a Dalek. "Mr. Blur is a cool dude."

Danielle glared at her. "Seriously, what is wrong with you? That thing you call Mr. Blur is a Dalek. You know with the 'EXTERMINATE!!' and the plunger. By the way, if they are superior race, what's up with the plunger? Did that ugly Davros dude have a pluming problem and decided to make some evil minions to fix it or something, but I digress. That Dalek could kill you, Sam. He is evil, like eviler than me evil, and that's evil! In other words, he is NOT a cool dude!"

Sam smiled sleepily. "Plungers. Ha. Ha."

Danielle grabbed her sister by the shoulders. "Snap out of it, Sam! I can't be the smart one. There is no way I can be the serious sister. I just can't take the pressure. Come on! Be smart! What is two plus two?!"

Sam just stared out into space mumbling, "Plungers."

"NOOOOOO!!!" Danielle screamed throwing her hands into the air while falling to her knees in disappointment. "I'm ruined. Ruined I tell you." She began to weep.

As she wallowed in self-pity, the Dalek rolled over to her and with his arms, attempted to hug her. "There, There," he comforted her.

"Ahhhh!" she screamed as she jumped away from the Dalek. She stood and dusted herself off before cocking her head at the Dalek. "Wait a minute, Daleks don't comfort people. Are you high like, Sam?"

"Ummmm……….." The Dalek shifted its head around like it was nervous.

"OMGC! You are high! And if you're high, your circuits might be broken, and if your circuits are broken, you could be good, and if you are good……." Danielle flung her arms around the Dalek, "I WANT TO KEEP YOU FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER!"

The Dalek made a noise like it was purring.

"We got to give you a better name than Mr. Blur," Danielle remarked.

"But I like the name Mr. Blur," whined the slumped Sam.

Danielle put her hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam, I know that when you are smartical again, you will be ashamed of yourself for naming a Dalek, Mr. Blur. How about we name him Dale after the first four letters in the word Dalek?"

Sam shrugged. "You are the smarterest sister," she answered.

Danielle sighed, "Sadly, I am."

"OW! My foot!"

Danielle's head shot towards the source at the noise which was down the mine shaft that she came from. "Oh, no. It's the Doctor. Go hide, Dale."

Dale rolled over to hide behind a big boulder. Danielle smiled at how clever her little Dalek was.

"Hey Danielle, turn around and look at this," the Doctor suggested. Danielle did as she was asked and came face to face with a giant blue spider in the Time Lord's hands. She began to scream and stumble away from it.

"See Danielle, the little fella is a flaxane spider. They are completely harmless. This little guy feeds on the minerals from the mines' stalactites not humans so you have no need to fear him," the Doctor explained shoving the spider closer to the frightened teen to try and reassure her.

Danielle swatted his hands sending the spider flying. It survived the fall though and scurried away. "ARE YOU NUTS?!? That is a giant freaking spider. I don't care if it eats its own poo. You don't shove it into my face!" she screamed at the surprised Time Lord.

Sam hit the Doctor's leg from her position on the ground. "Bad, Doctor, bad," she scolded while continuing to hit his leg. "How dare you scare my baby sister like that? I'll get Dale on you. Hey, those are some pretty cool shoes. Where did you get them?"

The Doctor lifted an eyebrow. "Who's Dale?"

"Oh," Sam said, "he is the Da-mmuph." At this time, Danielle ran over and covered Sam's mouth before she confessed to the Doctor about Dale. "Dale's just an imaginary friend she was having a tea party with," Danielle corrected, "I wouldn't listen to her anyway. Something is wrong with her."

"Really, I haven't notice," he replied sarcastically as he observed Sam. She had her face very close to his trainers muttering, "The stitching is like the Mona Lisa."

"Well, we are going to have to remedy that," he said. He then proceeded to lift the amazed teen from her spot on the mine shaft floor and steadied her. Gingerly, he placed his finger on her temples and began to enter her mind.

"Perv, get your mind out of my sister's mind!"

"Quiet down girl! This is very hard work without you yelling in my ear," shouted the Doctor as he scrunched up his eyes and concentrated, "I am only doing a diagnostic on her mind. I won't look at any memory she is uncomfortable with me seeing."

"It is not like she can stop you, dummy. She's stupid."

The Doctor lifted his fingers. "No, she is not stupid. She just has a befuddled mind."

"Huh?"

"Her brain is like a broken jig-saw puzzle."

"Huh?"

He realized he was going to have to speak on the lowest intelligence level he has ever gone. "Her brain has a boo-boo." He was so glad no one from the Academy was around to hear him say 'boo-boo'. He would never be able to live it down.

"Oh, now I get it. How did that happen?"

The Doctor ran his head through his hair still grimacing about the word he just said. "Well, when she went through the hyperspace gateway, the only protection she had was the pocket of air created by the TARDIS. The pocket did little to protect her form the beam that separated her molecules and sent her here. When her molecules came back to their original position, the ones in her brain arranged in a way that was similar but not the same to the position they were at before. All the lobes of her brain dealing with motor and bodily function are arranged correctly, but the sections dealing with personality and intelligence are out of order."

Danielle nodded her head, "Alright, I get it."

The Doctor was flabbergasted. "You were able to understand all that, but not the word 'befuddled'."

Danielle nodded and grinned. "Yeah, that was science, and I am good at science. 'Befuddled' is a vocabulary word which is English, and I'm not good at English."

"No hablo Ingles."

"Right," replied Danielle condescendingly patting her sister's head. "No hablo Ingles. I also am no good with puzzles."

She looked at Sam who was inspecting her hand with glee.

"Please tell me you can fix her, Doctor, because I don't know how you are going to explain to my parents how the family genius has been reduced to the village idiot."

"Why do I have to be the one to explain to your parents what happened to Sam?" inquired the shocked Doctor pointing at his chest.

Danielle crossed her arms. " Because you are the one chaperoning, and you did not make us sign one of those 'it is not our fault if anything is to happen to your child' slips that the school gives out for parents to sign so they can't be sued. Therefore, it is your fault."

"But you were the one that caused the befuddlement."

"One: stop using big words. Two: it was only because you sent us to a boring place. It was like you were trying to bore us to death so we would leave. Anyway you look at it, Doctor, this is all your fault."

The Doctor knew there was no point in arguing and just mumbled a "Fine," while pinching the bridge of his nose to try and relive the headache he knew was coming. "I have equipment on the TARDIS that can rearrange her brain back to the correct way. We better get going," he replied.

"Okay," Danielle agreed, "but Sam, don't you think you need to tell Dale something?"

"What?" said Sam. She was inspecting her belly button.

"Don't you need to tell Dale to follow us back to the TARDIS?"

"Oh, you're right." She pointed at the rock that Dale was hiding behind. "Dale, follow us. Okay puppy?" She must have gotten a response because the next thing she said was "Good, puppy. I will get you a doggy biscuit when we get back to the TARDIS."

The Doctor just shrugged off this insane behavior and began the trek back to the TARDIS silently praying that he could get Sam normal again. He didn't know if he could withstand two crazy Ira sisters. He needed the sane one back so he could survive.

They were about halfway to the TARDIS when the Doctor noticed something wrong. He looked over at Sam who he forced to hold his hand so she wouldn't get hurt or lost. "Sam, it is quiet," he reported.

"You are right. How about I say something to pass the time?" She began to recite the poem _By the Glorious Light Emitted from Lady Hando Kloria of Pith_.

"Oh, Lady Kloria, why does your light scorch my eyeballs?

Is it because your beauty far surpasses those of the carcass-eating Pithian desert foxes that roam Klexxon 3?" The Doctor stopped her there.

"No need, Sam, if it is quiet that can only mean one thing." He looked behind him. The Doctor saw only an abandoned mine shaft and sighed. "Where did that insane, little chatterbox you call a sister go?"

*****************************************************

A/N: Here's your story fix. Sorry, we updated late. We were unable to get the Internet at home. I am only able to do this at my town library. For those of you who don't know Spanish, "No hablo Ingles." means "I don't speak English." Oh, there is one more thing I, Nadie, got to do.

One. Two. Three. _Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You smell like a monkey and you look like one too. _Happy birthday Canadian Monkey. I mean every word of it. (We were going to update last Saturday which was her birthday.) _**Thank you Nadie!! You're the best big sister ever!! **_

I hope you like our temporary avatar. It's a monkey. Keep on reviewing guys!

_Here is a look into our madness………………_

_Nadie: Why did we put the word 'smartical' into another of our stories?_

_CM: Because you let me edit this story this time._

_Nadie: I hate that word. I'm going to take it out._

_CM: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! I'm not going to let you._

_Nadie: Nothing will stop me in my quest to exterminate the word 'smartical'. Muwah! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Lightening strikes in the background.)_

_CM: Really? (Holds up Nadie's cat Artemis.) Say bye-bye, Artemis. You won't be seeing Mommy for a long time. How about we go to a place where they eat cat? _

_Nadie: You wouldn't._

_CM: (Holds up a box and some stamps.) Try me. _

_Nadie: Fine. We can keep the stupid word._

_CM: Yeah! (Throws Nadie the cat and skips off into her room.) _

_Nadie: (Pets cat.) Are you okay, Senior Fluffykins? I'm sorry readers. I just love my cat a lot. _


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer:

Nadie: Welcome to Bangkok.

CM: (Punches Nadie.)

Nadie: Ow! What was that for?!

CM: You said 'Welcome to Bangkok.' And it reminded me of how we don't own Doctor Who. It is so unfair. (Punches Nadie again.)

Nadie: Ow!

CM: That was because we don't own the Wizard of Oz. (Punches Nadie again.) That was because we don't own Tinker Bell either! Man!

Nadie: (Rubs head.) I can think of some things worse than that. ******************************************************

Chapter 11

There are certain laws that govern the universe. What goes up must come down. A reaction has an equal and opposite reaction. Two wrongs never make a right. Danielle followed one of the least known ones. If you see shiny, mysterious lights, you go towards it like the stupid moth you are.

Danielle was following the Doctor and Sam protesting that the perv was holding her sister's hand when out of the corner of her eye, she saw a glint and stopped. The tunnel they were walking in was connected to another mine shaft. At the end of that mine, Danielle could see shimmering golden lights like those emitted from a fire. Naturally, she separated form the other two and began to go down the other tunnel to investigate. About ten feet into the tunnel, she was knocked out and began to experience another universal law.

Those who wander off from the group always get hurt first.

******************************************************

Sam stood on her tiptoes and looked over the Doctor's shoulder. "Where is Danielle? Did she turn into the invisible woman?"

The Doctor sighed and shook his head. "No, she didn't go invisible. She ran off."

Sam's eyes grew huge. "Oh no, we better find her fast, or my mom is going to kill me."

He nodded his head gloomily and ran his hand through his hair again. "Yeah, she is going to do that, and according to Danielle's logic, she is going to kill me too." He shuddered remembering his experiences with Jackie Tyler and Francine Jones. He tugged on Sam's hand. "Come on. Let's go find your sister."

"Wait!" the befuddled teen exclaimed. "I got to tell Dale, something."

"We don't have time for you to talk to your imaginary friend. With my luck, Danielle could be in mortal danger."

Sam let go of the Doctor's hand and crossed her arms. "I got to tell Dale something," she whined while stomping the ground like a two year old having a temper tantrum.

"Alright, alright," the Doctor moaned looking towards the sky and praying that this temporary insanity would be over soon. "You can talk to Dale."

Sam uncrossed her arms and grinned. "Now Dale, I don't want you to follow us. You go straight to the TARDIS," she ordered while serving her head around because she had no idea where Dale was. She then paused leaving the only noise to be heard to be the dripping of water form the stalactites.

They waited and waited for a response. The Doctor kicked a pebble creating noise. Sam took that as a response.

"Good puppy. See ya later alligator," she replied cheerfully and grabbed the Doctor's hand. "Now, Allonsy!" she cried pointing heroically towards where they went and began to skip down the tunnel dragging the Doctor behind.

"Hey, that's my line!" he hollered catching his footing.

They continued to travel down the tunnel with Sam humming "We're Off to See the Wizard" until the Doctor noticed Danielle's footsteps. He halted suddenly causing Sam to be jerked back.

"Come on, Doctor. We got to go see the Wizard for a new sister," she urged while pulling on the Doctor's arm. He wouldn't budge but knelt down to investigate the footprints while Sam continued to attempt to pull him along. Sam soon gave up and let go of the Doctor's arm causing her to land on her butt.

"This doesn't make any sense," rambled the Doctor as he walked a few steps backward. "The footprints just stop. How could that happen?" He scratched behind his ear puzzled.

"Maybe she flew away," Sam suggested as she stood up and dusted herself off.

"Unless she can evolve into 80th century bird-human hybrids in a matter of seconds, I find that scenario highly improbable."

Sam shrugged off the comment and took a look around her surroundings. Noticing something, she began to tug on the Doctor's jacket.

"Oi! Could you stop that? These things stretch out you know," complained the Time Lord as her swatted her hand away.

Sam continued. "But Doctor, Tinker Bell is here."

This comment caused the Doctor to spin around and stare at her. "Tinker Bell's here at the deserted Meeloon mines?"

Sam just nodded.

He sighed. "I'll bite. Where is Tinker Bell?"

Sam grabbed both sides of the Doctor's head and jerked it to the right. He was able to see the connecting tunnel and the mysterious lights.

"Oh, so that is where Tinker Bell is hiding."

He looked down and saw Danielle's trail of footsteps leading into the tunnel. "Maybe we should go pay Tinker Bell a visit. She could know where Danielle is," he suggested.

Sam immediately released the Doctor's head and began sprinting down the mine leaving the alien in the dust.

"TINKER BELL, I WANT TO FLY!!" she screamed while running.

The Doctor gnashed his teeth and began to chase after the lunatic. '_This is going to be a long day'_, he thought.

******************************************************

'_Monkey, quit banging on my head,' _Danielle mentally moaned as she came to. She tried to raise her hands to swat away whatever was causing her headache but was stopped. Her arms were bound against something with rope. Her hands came in contact with rock as they fell back down. '_So I am tied to a rock, TERRIFIC!'_ she sarcastically thought.

She opened her eyes to a dimly lit cavern. As she suspected, she was tied up to a boulder in a sitting position. A fire was in the center of the cavern with cutlery equipment strewed around the fire. No Doctor was in sight. '_Where is that stupid perv? He's supposed to be saving me.'_

Out of the darkness, a pale hand shot out and began to pinch Danielle's right cheek with yellow, untrimmed nails. "Ah, not a good meat to fat ratio, but it will do," a raspy voice muttered from the safety of the darkness.

Danielle shot her head towards the direction of the voice. Her eyes were ablaze with fury. "Are you calling me fat?" she growled.

******************************************************

_It is official. I have lost sight of both girls. Why does this always happen with my companions? I tell them to stay where they are at or stick close to me, but they don't listen. No, they think they are the brilliant human who knows more than the strange man they've recklessly hitched a ride with. Then, they get in trouble and are held captive by some hostile alien or another, and who comes and saves them? The strange man who they had disobeyed. Humans!_

The Doctor slowed his pace and quitted his internal monologue as he noticed something in the distance. It was a tent, a plain white one standing solitary in the mine like an obedient solider. He stepped closer to investigate the tent.

'_What a queer sight,'_ he thought as he leaned in. His ears perked up. '_Is that snoring?'_ With more flamboyance than a magician, he threw back the tent flap to reveal Sam dozing on an abandoned sleeping bag next to an unlit oil lamp.

"Sam!" the Doctor cried.

The sleeping teen's eyes began to flicker as she joined the land of the living. "Wha?" she sleepily mumbled

"Why are you here? I've been looking all over for you," he said as he entered the tent. "Look at you. You've gone and got a house while I had my back turn. You've got some good real estate, too. I can't see your neighbors anywhere."

Sam ignored this ramble as she stretched and yawned. "Tinker Bell didn't show up," she muttered.

"Aw," the Doctor exclaimed as he inspected the interior of the tent. "I'm sorry. How about we go and find her? She could be hanging out with Danielle."

"No, Tinker Bell would never hang out with Danielle. She is too evilly mean," she replied as she lay back down to nap. "You go."

"But don't you want to find Tinker Bell and Danielle," the Doctor stated as he attempted to get the teen up.

"Yes," she replied as he pushed him away, "but finding lost people is your thing. Sleeping is my thing. Let me sleep, Doctor. Tinker Bell would forgive me. And Danielle….best if we leave her, she is so mean to me." She then closed her eyes and began to snore.

"Humph." The Doctor crossed his arms and glared down at the dozing teen thinking this would cause some action. It was to no avail. Sam remained in slumber.

"Fine. I'll go to Plan B."

He exited the tent and grabbed hold of Sam's ankles. He then proceeded in dragging the girl out of the tent. He succeeded with a very much awake Sam nursing the back of her hand.

"Told you I would go to Plan B," he said satisfied at his work. "What's wrong with your hand?" the Doctor asked as he looked at it.

"The lighting bug burned me as I tried to get away from you, you big meanie." She stood up and pushed his shoulders.

The Doctor was puzzled by this explanation. "Lighting bug? Oh, you mean the oil lamp. Why would an abandoned oil lamp burn you?"

He went back into the tent and came out with the oil lamp. Sam flinched from it, but the Doctor ignored this and touched the lamp by the back of his hand. It was warm!

"Interesting? Now why would you be warm?" He pulled out a flashlight and peered in closer.

There it was. At the bottom of the lamp, stood a small ember of fire as if whoever had it did not blow the fire all the way out. That could mean only one thing.

"Right," the Doctor began as he put the oil lamp down, "this lamp is warm and was used recently, but the TARDIS said that the mines were abandoned decades ago because the region's resources were dried up. Everyone left. This entire planet should be deserted."

Sam looked around her "Really? I don't see any camels or sand."

"There being no camels is the least of our worries, Sam," seriously replied the Doctor. He grabbed her hand and began to trek down the tunnel being sure that every dark corner was illuminated by the flashlight. "The problem is that someone has been living all alone here for decades. A person who has had no contact with another person. He or she must have gone mad. Something tells me that this person has finally made contact but with Danielle. I honestly don't know who I should be more worried for."

******************************************************

A/N: Here it is folks. Sorry about the late update. Please don't kill us, our mighty overlords. We finally got our Internet back at home. Yay! Hope you guys like this. Keep on reviewing guys. If we were monkeys, they would be our bananas. _I thought I was a monkey, Nadie?_ No you are not, CM. _But I like bananas._ So does the Doctor. _THE DOCTOR IS A MONKEY TOO! AWESOME!_ (CM skips away looking for the Doctor) Why, oh why was I cursed with such a dumb, dumb sister?


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer:

Nadie: Are you still mad about how we don't own Doctor Who or Tinker Bell?

CM: (grumbles angrily)

Nadie: Well, this will make you happy. We own Sam, Danielle, and Lannibal. No one can take that from us.

CM: (grins happily)

Nadie: But we don' own _1984 _or any cooks.

CM: (glares at Nadie and begins to frown again) Gee, thanks for the pep talk, Nadie.

Nadie: (grins) Happy to help.

******************************************************

Chapter 12

Danielle glared once more into the darkness and tried to look as threatening as one can be when one is tried to a rock. "I want an answer, spooky man. Did you or did you not just call me fat?" she barked.

The creature made another whimpering noise. "Please forgive me, Miss. I did not mean to call you fat. You just have a bad ratio. You are not fat to me. The supermodels on my planet look just like you."

"Really? What planet is that?" an excited Danielle asked.

"Oh, it doesn't matter. The planet is a barren wasteland now. It is gone."

"Dang it, I so could have live on that planet! I have been told I'm photogenic."

The mysterious person came out of the shadows to reveal himself. He was diminutive and stooped with sickly pale skin and yellow nails. He had a tangled mane of brown hair that resembled a halo around the man's head. He was wearing an orange, tattered jumpsuit that hung on his skeletal fame. The feature that received the most of Danielle's attention, though, was his eyes. They seemed to have a fire of their own, a fire of utter madness.

"May I introduce myself? I am Lannibal, your chef for this evening." He produced a napkin from his jumpsuit pocket and placed it over his arm. It made him look like a waiter at a fancy restaurant. "Tonight, I will have a lovely meat stew with moss bits accompanied by some mineral water."

"Wait a minute." Danielle said confused, "Don't you mean 'you will have'? I'm the one eating the stew, right?"

Lannnibal shook his head. "No, I'm the one eating this meal. Don't worry you are helping with it."

"How?"

"You will be the meat."

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Danielle exclaimed. "You are going to cook me as a stew?"

Lannibal nodded his head.

"That's not going to happen."

Lannibal sagged his shoulders. '_Here we go again,' he thought. 'Every time somebody gets stuck and the void and I find them to eat it's always 'No, you can't eat me. No please don't eat me_!'

"If you are going to cook me, you are going to cook me as something better than some bland stew."

His eyes grew huge. "What?"

She continued ranting. "Yeah, I want you to be like Gordon Ramsey. I want to be sautéed, flam bayed, grilled, boiled, al a mode, the whole enchilada. Scratch that, I want to be made into an enchilada. It's going to be like 'BAM!'"

"But I only know how to make stew," he whined.

"You've been eating stew the whole time you have been here?"

"Yes."

"Haven't you ever gotten bored of it?"

"Well," Lannibal replied shrugging, "those spiders do taste horrendous especially as a stew. I usually try to avoid eating those things, but when they morph into their next form. DELICIOUS! The humans that come by taste splendid, too."

Danielle put on her determined face. "Well, you better get all your cooking equipment and food and untie me."

"Why?"

"I'm going to show you how to cook. If I'm going to be cooked, I am going to be cooked right!"

Lannnibal did as he was told. Danielle's determined face was an easily read threat for anyone who disobeyed her orders.

******************************************************

Sam was getting bored. She and the Doctor have been walking for what seems like hours, and her feet were getting tired. Who cared about Tinker Bell when your feet were worn out?

"Doctor, I want to go back to the tent," she whined dragging her feet.

"You can't go back to the tent, Sam. We need to find Tinker Bell, remember?"

"But we've been walking for what seems like hours. Let me go back to the tent. Please! I'm begging you!"

The Doctor sighed shaking his head. "Sam, we've only left the tent ten minutes ago. Besides, I can't let you stay there because someone has been living here. He or she may harm you."

Sam's shoulders sagged defeat. "Fine, you big meanie."

The pair continued walking down the dark mine. They began to see evidence of the mine's inhabitance. They walked past mine machinery with clothes hanging on them like they were clothesline. Undecipherable drawings were etched onto the walls as a testament to the poor soul's madness. Silence seemed to be the only companion to the duo's journey and observations.

"Doctor, are we dead?" Well, it used to be a companion.

"Why would you think we are dead?" asked the Doctor.

"Because I see a light at the end of a tunnel."

Sure enough, light was beginning to seep into the tunnel. They were able to perceive a fire in the distance and hear muffled voices. They entered a domed cavern that seemed to be the intersection of many tunnels for the mines. Stalactites hung miles away at the top covered in Flaxane spiders. A fire stood in the center with boulders surrounded it and right by the fire, were Danielle and a dirty old man. She was cutting him mushrooms.

"See. That would be a good contrast to the meat's texture." Danielle told him.

"Tinker Bell!" Sam screeched and ran to Danielle. She latched her arms around the younger teen's neck and hugged Danielle till she was blue in the face. Thankfully, she released Danielle from her death grip before it became fatal and observed Danielle's acquaintance. "Wow, Peter Pan, you have let yourself go."

As a response to Sam's sisterly welcome, Danielle whacked her sister across the head, another form of sisterly welcome. "Sam, are you nuts? How can I be Tinker Bell? Tinker Bell's a blonde, I am a brunette. Sheesh! How stupid are you?"

"Pretty stupid. Any way, you're the stupid one. You know I'm allergic to nuts. I can't possible be one."

"Um, Danielle, who are these people?" asked Lannibal eyeing the newcomers.

"Oh, where are my manners? Lannibal, these are the Doctor and my sister Sam. They're here to save me, the standard operating procedure for the Doctor and his companions. No need to save me guys. I'm okay here."

"Don't you want to go back to the TARDIS and leave this place?" the Doctor asked puzzled.

Danielle rolled her eyes. "I can't leave if I'm eaten by Lannibal, Doctor," she replied in voice that expressed her thoughts that the Doctor was a complete imbecile.

"What!!"

"Ooo! Neat! Do you taste yummy, Danielle?" Sam inquired.

Danielle nodded. "Here taste," she ordered while pointing a finger in her sister's face. Sam clamped down on the digit like a dog on a bone and nibbled a bit.

"Yup. You're delicious, Danielle."

"I can't let you do that, Danielle. You'll be killed. We've got to go," the Doctor said exasperatedly.

The wannabe meal shook her head. "No, Doctor. I made up my mind. I'm going to be eaten Lannibal and that's final."

"Ekkk!" Sam hollered and pointed at the ceiling. "The sky is falling!"

A pale Flaxane spider fell form its perch on a stalactite and landed on the floor with a thud. It began to twitch and screech a spine-chilling sound. To the horror of everyone, the spider began to split at the middle. Out from the now dead spider, raised a diminutive, furry, blue monkey. The monkey crawled out of the spider and began to lick itself clean.

"Okay, what the fudge just happened?" Danielle questioned shocked by the event.

The Doctor smacked himself on the forehead. "How could I have forgotten? Flaxane spiders morph into subterranean Flaxane monkeys when they reach maturity. Boy, that would have been helpful earlier when I explained Flaxane spiders to you, Danielle."

"It's so cute," cooed Sam, "It licks like Artemis."

Danielle put her arm around Sam's shoulders. "Yup. That is one cute monkey."

They began to watch the monkey lick the spider's organs and last meal off itself. It stretched and opened it mouth to yawn and revealed rows of jagged, yellow teeth. It then began to scratch its butt.

"Like I said Sam, that is one adorable monkey. You don't think Mom and Dad would mind if we ke-"

SWOOSH!!

A knife flew towards the monkey and stabbed the poor creature between the eyes.

"Yeah! Bull-eye!" Lannibal cried punching the air.

"You just killed the monkey!" Danielle cried shocked

"Well, yeah. It's like I told you. Those spiders taste awful, but when they become monkeys, they are to die for. How about we mix the meat with some mushroom and seaweed to create a salad?"

Danielle stared numbly at Lannibal with tears in her eyes. "You want to eat the cute, little monkey?" she squeaked.

Lannibal rolled his eyes. "Duh! Of course, I want to eat the monkey. They are delicious. Now, how do you want to use it in the meal?"

Danielle looked at the monkey corpse and back at its murderer. "I don't want to do the meal," she declared.

"Why?" Lannibal asked taken back.

She crossed her arms. "Because you are monkey eater. I don't want to be eaten by a monkey eater."

"I thought you made up your mind, and it was final."

"I'm a girl. I have the right to change my mind."

"But…"

"Listen, man!" Sam interrupted. "I may be befuddledwuddled, but I am still a big sister! When my sister says she doesn't want to be eaten by a monkey-killing Peter Pan, she doesn't get eaten!" She tugged on Danielle's hand. "Come on, Danielle. Let's go back to the TARDIS."

Danielle began to follow her sister in leaving. Lannibal was left alone by the mushrooms wounded by the teen's treachery. His eyes began to darkness as anger engulfed him. In a flash, he snatched Danielle from Sam's grasp and drew a knife to her throat.

"You promised me a meal! I'm going to get a meal!" he screeched bringing the knife closer to Danielle's throat.

"Hey get that knife away from me, you psycho! I told you. I don't want to be eaten by a monkey-eater," Danielle ordered trying her best to invoke fear in Lannibal even though she was actually scared. The mad man disobeyed and brought the knife closer to her pulsing vein. Sam began to screech and race around the cavern screaming "Help! Help!"

"Wait, Wait! You don't need to do this," the Doctor coolly intervened. "I got a ship that can take you off this planet. You can get back to civilization where you can easily get a meal without resorting to cannibalism. I understand you've been here for decades without any companionship. It must have been excruciatingly lonely. Contact is a necessary part of life. I am your chance to get it back." He calmly held out his hand towards Lannibal. "I just need you to first give me the knife."

Lannibal's eyes darted towards the Time Lord's welcoming hand and then to his welcoming face. The Doctor smiled, and Lannibal could perceive that it truly did reach the stranger's eyes and that the Doctor meant every word he said. He then glanced behind the Doctor at Sam who was screaming at a large stalagmite to go and save her sister.

"Oh, it would be nice to go see some of my old friends, but there is a reason I left years ago," Lannibal lamented, "If the civilization you value so much is like that," he pointed at Sam who was pushing the stalagmite towards the trio and urging it to help, "then I am glad I left. I do not desire your precious contact, sir. I only want a proper meal in seclusion." He raised his arm to slash Danielle's throat.

"Hey, if food is what you want, I can get you a cat. He's at my house. You don't have to cut me up," Danielle babbled as she eyed the knife slowly coming closer.

"What?" Sam exclaimed hanging from the stalagmite. Her head shot toward her sister, and she glared. "Go ahead and eat her, Peter Pan!"

"What type of big sister are you, Sam? Don't you love me?" Danielle hollered alarmed.

"Yeah, but you are sacrificing my kitty. That is as bad as eating a monkey in my eyes. The punishment is death."

"Now listen, you stupid--"

"I am not stupid! I know two plus two equals plunger!"

The sisters began to quarrel yelling from across the cavern. Lannibal looked at them wide-eyed with his knife froze in the air.

"Now listen here. I'm going to have my meal. I am going to cut this girl's throat," he yelled above the clamor waving his knife around to prove this wiliness, but every time he came close, Sam would say something awful, and Danielle would jerk her neck to trash talk Sam some more.

The three yelled and argued before a very bewildered Doctor. '_Well, I've completely lost control of this situation_.' he thought and began to dig through his pocket for his sonic screwdriver. '_Time to bring back order.'_

What the Doctor intended to do was pull out his sonic screwdriver heroically and aim it at Lannibal. Danielle would probably make some annoying comment about how he told her pointing the screwdriver at people was dangerous, but he would ignore her, make some witty comment, and activate it. The sonic screwdriver would accelerate the knife's molecules causing the knife to give off heat. Lannibal would drop the knife, and the Doctor would run over to achieve it. Lannibal would be all distraught, and the Doctor, being the great orator that his is, would convince him to come with them. They would take him to a rehabilitation center, and they would be the best of friends. Who knows? Lannibal could start Hermits United with him. That was what he wanted to happen, but of course, this did not occur.

The Doctor flashily pulled out the sonic screwdriver and aimed it at Lannibal. Danielle was about to protest, but before she could say anything, Lannibal began to laugh to the amazement of everyone.

"Why are you laughing? You shouldn't be laughing," the confuse Doctor inquired.

Lannibal did not answer and continued to laugh. He laughed and laughed and laughed. His chortle boomed throughout the cavern and echoed down the mines. He let go of Danielle and bent over clutching at his sides. Overtime, his laugh became weaker and weaker, and he fell to the floor. He giggled and then wheezed before stopping altogether. He became motionless on the cavern floor, his face a mask of unadulterated happiness. Lannibal was dead.

"Well, that is not something you see everyday," Danielle commented nudging the body. "It seems like he laughed so hard that he was unable to catch his breath and died."

The Doctor stared at her while dropping his arm.

"What?" Danielle asked. "I want to be a doctor. You think you can be the only doctor on this trip?"

He just sighed and looked at Lannibal's dead body. "Yeah. That was odd. Why was he laughing?"

"Oooh, shiny," Sam cooed and pointed at the sonic screwdriver.

The Doctor looked down and finally took notice of his sonic screwdriver. He was shocked at what he saw.

The device was bedazzled at its sides making it sparkle like a diamond. He inspected the left side and read the words 'SONIC' in bright blue gems. Besides the word, was a picture of Sonic the Hedgehog's head. '_Who could do such a horrible thing'_ he thought horrified and numb. He turned the sonic screwdriver over and read in bright pink gems, 'PROPERTY OF DANIELLE'. His head shot up, and he glared angrily at the culprit.

"I WAS BORED!" Danielle bellowed at the top of her lungs.

"Well," replied the Doctor pinching the bridge of his nose, "at least your boredom did something productive this time."

"Yay!" Sam squealed and hugged the Doctor tight. Then a thought processed her, and she smacked the Doctor hard on his arm.

"Ow!" What was that for?" the Doctor cried rubbing his arm.

"Why do you have to regenerate, you stupid meanie? I like this form. I hope the Master will knock four times on your ugly head." Sam rambled.

"What's this about regenerating? I have no plans to regenerate and what's this about the Master? I thought he was dead," the Doctor said.

Before he could get and answer from the befuddled big mouth, Danielle intervened thus saving the world. She grabbed Sam's hand and began to drag her older sister towards the TARDIS singing.

"_Joy to the World! Sam ain't dead, and I didn't get eaten! The Doctor think this is all weird, but he been to stranger places than here! There's that place with the nurse cats, and the place with the live fat. And don't forget……….."_

The Doctor could hear her carols echoing down the shaft. He stood there listening to the song as he tried to process the lunacy that had just occurred. '_I am never going to understand these two_.' He then sighed and grinned at the events and began the journey to the TARDIS making sure he caught up with the two teens. With his luck, Danielle or Sam would try to smuggle a Plaxane monkey onto the TARDIS.

******************************************************

Danielle nervously paced around the TARDIS controls. She looked over at Bob who was placed in the pilot seat.

"You think she is going to be okay, Bob?" she asked the stuffed animal.

Bob sat in the chair.

Danielle rolled her eyes. "I know I shouldn't worry too much, but I don't know how I can survive without a smart Sam."

The Doctor and Sam, back from the medical wing, entered the control room. Sam seemed to be okay. She was walking straight.

"Sam! Are you smart again?" Danielle exclaimed. "Quick! What's two plus two?"

"Five," the older sister calmly replied.

The Doctor and Danielle looked at her. "You said you could make her smart, Doctor!" Danielle screamed.

"Wait. I am not finished," Sam said smirking. "Two plus two equals five in the Republic of Oceania. Here, it is four."

Danielle sprinted to her sister and hugged her tight. "Yay! You are your smart, literary-joking self again! I'm so so so so so sorry that I made fun of how smart you are. Being smart is hard. I promise I won't ever make you stupid again. Will you forgive me?"

"I guess I have to."

"Yay!!" Danielle released Sam. "It's nice that you can talk about some bad country that will never exist." She looked at the Doctor. "Oceania is never going to exist, right Doctor?"

The Doctor put his hands behind his back and began to rock on his toes while looking at the ceiling. He hummed.

"Well, Doctor?"

"I don't know," the Doctor replied. "You guys never tell me anything, so I don't think I should tell you anything."

Danielle glared at him. "I know where you live, mister."

"Duh, you're standing in it," said Sam while rolling her eyes.

"Hey! Just because you are smart again, it doesn't mean you can make smart-aleck remarks," complied Danielle. She put a hand on her stomach. "I'm going to go get something to eat. Cannibalism makes me hungry." She then proceeded to go towards the kitchen.

Sam stretched. "I am so happy that I am smart again. I bet I annoyed you endlessly, Doctor." No response. "Doctor?" She turned towards him.

He was leaning against the railing with a sad look on his face.

"Still gloomy about Lannibal?" Sam inquired.

He sighed. "Yeah. He shouldn't have had to die."

"Yeah. It was unnecessary."

"We could have formed Hermits United," he whined.

"I know. I know," consoled Sam as she sauntered over and gave him a little hug. "He probably wouldn't have been able to survive in civilization after being in the mines for so long. You would have forced him into something he wouldn't have wanted to do."

The Doctor continued to brood.

"Look on the bright side, Doctor. He was happy before he died."

He shrugged. "I guess you're right…," he smiled slyly, "girl who cried tears of joy when she saw Mickey Mouse at the age of thirteen."

Sam gasped and smacked the Time Lord on the arm. "You looked through my memories, you sick old man."

"Hey, I am not old!"

"So says the 900 hundred year old Time Lord."

"Alright. Alright. It wasn't my fault I saw some of your memories, Sam. They sort of popped up when I was doing the diagnostic. I was unable to avoid them."

"Hmphf, I guess I forgive you," replied Sam then she slyly grinned, "guy who kissed the ground of a Jelly Baby factory."

"You saw my memories!" gasped the Doctor astonished.

Sam shrugged her shoulders and sarcastically replied, "It wasn't my fault, Doctor. They just sort of popped up. I was unable to avoid them."

"You were actually able to comprehend them."

"Well, only that memory and the one concerning your desire to grow a banana grove in the TARDIS greenhouse. I completely agree with the TARDIS, Doctor. Your next regeneration could hate bananas, and then it would be a waste of space."

"I guess she has a point," replied the Doctor. He then turned towards the teen. "Speaking of regenerations, what was that rant about me regenerating and the Master knocking on my head about?"

"Um……….." stammered Sam as she tried to think of a way out of this predicament.

"Well?"

DING!!

Both turned their heads towards the hall where Danielle exited from.

"She didn't," said the Doctor.

"Well, she said she was hungry," replied Sam as she sprinted towards the kitchen. '_Saved by the bell_,' she thought as she ran.

The Doctor chased after her. They made it to the kitchen door to find a cascade of popcorn smash open the door with Danielle riding the avalanche.

"Come on in guys! The water's fine!" cried Danielle and popped a kernel into her mouth.

Sam grinned widely and dived right in attacking the popcorn like a shark in a feeding frenzy. Against his better judgment, the Doctor too joined in the festivities. The trio had fun munching on popcorn and throwing it at each other……until the popcorn grew teeth.

******************************************************

Author's Note: Rejoice readers! It has finally arrived! Chapter 12, is it not amazing?! Hurray! Sorry about the spoiler but they kind of mentioned it in the Planet of the Dead and Nadie really wanted to get that out.

Anyways, we have some bad news. We don't think we can update every week or every other week now. We are so sorry but school is so stressful and Canadian Monkey is about to die in Chemistry I. We'll update when we can but keep on reading and reviewing.

REVIEW!!!!

_As you can see by our avatar, CM has a certain message for a certain older sister._

CM: Nadie, I have to do something for you, my awesome older sister. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIE!! YOU'RE SUPER DUPER OLD!!

Nadie: I am not old!

CM: Yes you are. You're an adult so you're old. Say goodbye to the readers Old Lady!

Nadie: I AM NOT OLD! Goodbye though.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Huzza! Huzza! The next chapter has arrived! Everyone clap your hands and cheer! We hope you like this extremely long chapter and savor the greatness that is us.

Disclaimer: Yes, we are so grateful to own _Doctor Who, Taco Bell, Barney, _and_ Blue Clues_. Yup, our little world is perfect because we own these things. (looks out of window and see their pet unicorn Captain Sparklepants)

****************************************************** Chapter 13

The Doctor sleepily entered the TARDIS kitchen to find Danielle in her pjs foraging through the kitchen cabinets with a determined look on her face. He stretched wincing after experiencing pain from his limbs.

"I am so sore," he complained.

Danielle stopped her searching to glare at him. "It's not my fault, Doctor. You were the one with the demonic popcorn."

"It wasn't demonic popcorn. They were hibernating baby Blonds who only attacked us because we were eating them."

"If you knew that, why were you eating them, you baby Blond murderer?"

The Doctor grinned sheepishly. "I forgot."

"Well, you shouldn't have placed them in the kitchen, stupid. Why on Earth did you even have them?"

"I caught their nursery ship while passing through the Dolb Galaxy. They were being attacked by space pirates, and I know that Blonds were an endangered species. I saved them and allowed them to go through their hibernation process in the TARDIS. They liked the kitchen. It reminded them of home."

Danielle grunted a response and began her search once more. Frustrated, she smacked the cabinet in anger.

"Perfect," she growled, "I'm in a space ship with nearly limitless space, and it doesn't have what I am looking for."

"Don't hurt the TARDIS, Danielle. Let me help you. What are you looking for?" the Doctor asked.

"A biscuit."

The Doctor stared at her confused. "Why are you getting dessert for breakfast? I mean, I know Americans have problems with their weight, but I didn't think you guys ate dessert for breakfast."

"I'm not looking for dessert. I want a chicken biscuit."

The Doctor looked at her revolted. "What type of biscuit has chicken in it?"

Danielle looked at him as if he was a complete idiot. "You have never heard of a chicken biscuit with chicken in it?"

At this point, Sam entered the kitchen looking well rested. "Good morning, everybody," she greeted cheerfully. She took a look at the Doctor's attire. "Like the outfit, Doctor. I love those slippers."

The Doctor took a look at his bunny pajamas and bunny slippers. He wiggled them. "Thanks, Sam."

"Sam, can you talk some sense into the Doctor? I'm looking for a chicken biscuit, and the Doctor thinks I'm a fatty," Danielle pleaded.

"You can't find the chicken biscuits?" Sam repeated.

"Yup," replied the starving Danielle in a heartbreaking tone.

Sam walked over to the other side of the kitchen and opened a small cabinet on the left. She pulled out a piece of chicken with two pieces of biscuit on the top and bottom of the chicken. Sam heated the biscuit up in the microwave and handed it to Danielle.

"YAY!!" Danielle cried, "Super Sam to the rescue!"

"That's a biscuit?" the Doctor dumbly inquired.

"Yeah, Doctor," Sam replied as she got a bowl and began to pour some cereal. "You thought Danielle meant a cookie when she meant a breakfast food. You've been hanging out in Great Britain too long. The TARDIS can't perceive American and British slang anymore."

"Whatever," the Doctor replied and grabbed a banana and exited the kitchen.

Sam sat down at the table with Danielle and ate her breakfast in silence until something caught her attention.

"Danielle, do you hear music?" Sam asked.

Danielle nodded her head in agreement, and her eyes grew huge as realization hit her.

"DALE!" she exclaimed in terror, and the sisters sprinted out of the kitchen to save their precious Dalek.

* * *

The Doctor stood dead in his tracks viewing the spectacle before him. He was casually walking back to his room munching on his banana when he heard _The Nutcracker Suite_ as he passed the control room. Curious, he peered inside to see what the TARDIS was doing and saw to his horror, a Dalek. It was white with gold, dented plating. An antenna was dented at the tip. The Dalek was spinning round and round in beat to the ballet having what appeared to be, if you were a Dalek psychologist (which they seriously need), a grand old time.

He heard Sam and Danielle run down the hall towards the control room. He held out his arm to stop them when they arrived at the threshold with him.

"Stay back girls! Somehow, a Dalek is in the TARDIS. Don't worry. I'll handle this," the Doctor heroically whispered so that the Dalek would not notice them. He began to dig in his robe pocket for his sonic screwdriver and destroy the enemy.

"NO!" Danielle cried and smacked him on the head with a frying pan. He fell to the floor unconscious with a thud.

"You just knocked out the Doctor!" Sam exclaimed dumbfounded at what had just transpired.

"Well, he tried to hurt my Daley-Waley," Danielle retorted and walked over to the Dalek and hugged him. "It's okay, Dale. The mean, old Doctor won't hurt you."

Dale purred as a response to the cuddles.

Sam knelt down and lifted one of the Doctor's eyelids. "Doctor, are you okay?" she inquired.

"Why are Sontarans dancing in tutus above my head?" he mumbled childishly.

She dropped the eyelid and stood erect glaring at her younger sister. "I hope you're happy now, Danielle. He's hallucinating."

"What makes you think he's hallucinating? He could be high," Danielle retorted.

Sam gasped at the outrageous accusation. "The Doctor can't be high!" she bellowed, "He's a hero for children. Stars of children television shows don't do atrocious things like that."

"Well, Barney like to do the drinky drinky," replied Danielle miming herself drinking a beer. "Then, there is Steve."

Sam's eyes welled up at the mention of Steve. "Steve," she moaned and began to cry.

"What?" the Doctor blurted as he awoke. He viewed Sam weeping like a recently-made widow and Danielle hugging a Dalek. "What's wrong, Sam?" he questioned as he stood and comforted the crying teen.

"Well, you know Steve from _Blues Clues_?" Danielle asked.

"Yeah, I love _Blues Clues_."

"Well there is this rumor…" she paused looking at her older sister. "It might be best if I whisper it to you."

Danielle walked over to him and whispered the information into his ear. After she finished her message, his eyes began to water like Sam's eye, and he began to cry like a baby. Sam and the Doctor stood their in the middle of the TARDIS control room hugging each other and lamenting for what seemed like hours. Every once in a while, one would cry out "STEVE!" and the two would weep harder than they did before.

Always the Good Samaritan, Dale rolled over to the mourning pair and placed his arms around the Doctor's waist. "There. There," the Dalek consoled.

The Doctor was comforted by this act of kindness. He mindlessly dropped his hand to Dale's head and patted it as thanks. As his hand touched metal, realization hit as to what was comforting him. He jumped away from Dale in terror.

Sadden by his new friend's reaction, Dale drooped his eyestalk and made a whining noise.

"Now look what you've done, Doctor. You made Dale sad," Danielle accused wagging her finger at the Time Lord and petting the depressed Dalek.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Daleks can't be sad."

"Well, what do you call this?" Danielle questioned pointing at Dale. Despite the pats, he still hung his eyestalk in despair and began to make noises like he was crying.

The Doctor lifted an eyebrow in puzzlement. "How can a Dalek be sad?" he pondered. He knelt down to Dale and pulled out his still bedazzled sonic screwdriver from his robe pocket. Dale was happy by his new friend's return and began to purr again, but the Doctor ignored this and initiated an inspection of the Dalek's brain with his sonic screwdriver.

"Girls, where did you get the Dalek?" he asked.

"That Dalek has a name. It's Dale," replied Danielle crossing her arms.

Sam rolled her eyes at Danielle. "I found him by the hyperspace gateway exit. Do you think that has some importance?"

"Yup!" he shouted while standing up by Dale. "I believe it fell through the hyperspace gateway unprotected. When its particles reformed, its brain was damaged just like your brain was after your trip through the gateway. Unlike a human though, a Dalek could heal itself through its machinery. Unfortunately, its circuits were damaged also when its particles reformed thus preventing the Dalek from healing itself. I recall a battle in the Time War in the vicinity of where you fell from the TARDIS. The Battle of the Swirling Vortexes I think it was called. I wasn't there, but I heard it was a spectacular sight when the vortexes consumed the Dalek fleets. From the look of its armor, this creature was a Dalek in a high position, possibly a Dalek Supreme."

"Is it just me or does Dalek Supreme remind you of a Burrito Supreme from _Taco Bell_?" Danielle asked interrupting the two thinkers. Her response was Sam and the Doctor staring at her. "Does anyone else hear crickets?" she added.

"Okay," said Sam to destroy the awkward silence. "So Doctor, could Dale's circuits heal him?"

"Well," the Doctor replied while tilting his head a bit to think, "The circuits would have to be fixed so that it could heal the Dalek. The circuits can't be fixed on its own though. A mechanic could tinker with the Dalek hardware and make the Dalek back to its genocidal self, but I'm not going to mess with it." He gave a puzzled look at Dale who was rubbing himself against the Doctor's leg like a cat. "I think I'm going to leave it to its purring self."

"Okay, now we can get to the important question," said Danielle. With that, she dropped to her knees at the Doctor's feet and begged, "Can we please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, with sugar, whipped cream, cherry, and jelly babies on top keep Dale, Doctor?"

The Doctor gasped at the audacity of Danielle's request. "There is no way in this universe or any parallel one that I am going to keep a Dalek in the TARDIS! Do you have any idea how dangerous a Dalek is? I know. I fought a war against them."

"But you just said his befuddlement can't be cured on its own. It's not like the big, strong TARDIS can't take care of herself."

"Oh really?" the Doctor retorted pointing to a nearby puddle of clear liquid that was dripping from the ceiling. "Do you see that? That is mucus from the TARDIS. The Dalek is like an allergen to her. I just thought she was suffering from a cold after standing in that stagnant water in the mines."

"Eww!" squealed Sam as she instinctively jumped from the puddle. "I need some Germ-X stat."

"But Dale loves you, Doctor. He wouldn't hurt you or the TARDIS. Tell him you love him, Dale," Danielle ordered.

"I. Love. You."

Danielle clapped her hands in delight. "He is also very helpful around the place. I mean, he's got a plunger and a blender for arms. He would be great if you got a backed up toilet or cake mix that needed to be blended hopefully not at the same time because that would be disgusting. Plus, he can do this." She walked up to Dale and crossed her arms. "Dale, make me a chicken biscuit," she ordered in a commanding voice.

Dale lowered his laser to the ground and fired a blast. From the smoke, everyone could see a chicken biscuit standing on the ground. Danielle happily picked it up and gobbled the thing.

"See, he knows what a biscuit is." Danielle licked her fingers. "I guess being a Burrito Supreme has its perks."

"Sweet," Sam cried gazing at the feat with wonder.

"You ate a chicken biscuit off the floor," the Doctor said dumbfounded not at Dale's accomplishment but at Danielle's actions.

"I know what could amaze him, Danielle," said Sam. She walked up to Dale and whispered an order to him. Dale lowered his laser once again and with a blast, produced a banana. The teen then handed it to the Time Lord.

The Doctor took the banana. "You think a banana is going to convince me to keep a Dalek."

Sam grinned showing all her teeth. "Open it."

The Doctor opened the banana to reveal a multitude of Jelly Babies. Unconsciously, a childish smile burst upon his face at the sight of the combination of his two favorite foods.

Sam haughtily smirked. "That's pretty sweet, huh."

"Yeah, that's sweet," he mindlessly muttered as he observed a Jelly Baby.

"So, can we keep him?" Danielle eagerly asked him again.

The Doctor looked at the Jelly Babies and sighed. "Well, I guess I could make the TARDIS immune to the Dalek, and I can't exactly leave it out in the world helpless and naively trusting like it is now. Yeah, the Dalek can stay." He grimaced at what he just said.

"Hooray!" Danielle cheered grabbing both of Dale's arms and spun him around. Dale turned the music to the song _Celebration_. "I got a pet Dalek! I got a pet Dalek!" Danielle cried while spinning.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Catch this, Danielle," replied the Doctor as he threw her the bedazzled sonic screwdriver. "I got myself another one so you can have this screwdriver."

Danielle let go of Dale and effortlessly caught the sonic screwdriver. "Why did you get a new one, Doctor? Did Lannibal's laughing bruise your ego?" she teased.

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders to brush off the comment. "Whatever. I'm going to get changed." With that, he exited the control room, and Danielle spun around the control room randomly turning the sonic screwdriver on and off.

Sam crossed her arms and shook her head. "I can not believe he gave the most irresponsible person in the world a sonic screwdriver."

"Relax, Sam. I'm not that irresponsible," said Danielle as she continued to spin.

THUD!

Danielle stopped spinning and saw what she had done. "Uh. Oh. Doctor, we need to go back to the kitty hospital!" she cried viewing Sam on the floor. She heard the Doctor groan and some banging sounds. Scared for his safety, she ran down the hall.

She found him banging his head against the wall muttering "Not again."

* * *

A/N: _Nadie: Hope you like the chapter. We're sorry it took so long, but school has been commanding our lives. _

_CM: (Grin)_

_Nadie: Why are you grinning? _

_CM: Because Steve is okay!_

_Nadie: Oh yeah. We once heard a rumor that Steve had killed himself, but we wanted to make sure our information was valid for the chapter so we googled it. _

_CM: And we found out that Steve isn't dead! Yeah!_

_Nadie: Yup. So why did we keep that in the story?_

_CM: Because we're lazy. Read and Review folks!!! _


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: We' baaaaaaaack! Sorry for the wait, but we had a lot of school and personal stuff to attend to. We didn't forget you guys, though. Thanks for reading and staying with us even though we took a _**LONG**_ time. Now, to the story!

Disclaimer: If we owned _Doctor_ _Who_, do you really think we would have let the 10th Doctor and the Master die at the same time? (Heck, no!) Russell T. Davies, were you trying to make us die from sadness? (Heck, yes!) (Also, Nadie almost threw something at the TV.)

* * *

Chapter 14

_The little stray kitten looked up at his attacker with his big blue eyes. "Please sir," he whimpered, "don't hurt us. We didn't mean it."_

_ With a flip of his overcoat, the Doctor brandished his most deadly torture device, the sonic screwdriver. "No," he boomed with the fires of Hell in his eyes, "you and your fellow kittens scratched my precious TARDIS, and now you must pay."_

_ The stray kittens huddled together against the dingy wall crying in fear of the agonizing pain that was about to be inflicted upon them. The doors to the TARDIS flew open, and Sam ran out. _

_ "Noooooooooo!" the angelic Sam cried and dove between the kittens and the Doctor just as the Doctor activated the sonic screwdriver. As the sonic beam hit her, Sam fell to the floor unconscious._

_ "Oh my gosh!" the Doctor cried. "What have I done to my fiancé?" He then began to cry._

* * *

"And that's how it all happened. I ran out of the TARDIS to find my sister lying on the ground all helpless. It was so horrible," Danielle said and began to weep.

The nurse from the New New York (actually New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York) hospital could have reasonably asked how Danielle knew what had happened if she had been inside the TARDIS, but the nurse was so taken into Danielle's story that she patted the poor teen on the shoulder and glared at the Doctor who was carrying the elder, unconscious teen and looking helplessly at the scene that was transpiring. The nurse then handed Danielle a tissue.

Danielle noisily blew. "Her heroic act, though, did not go unrewarded. The kitten's handed me a golden toy mouse for her as we departed. That's why we're here. I needed this guy to carry my sister or otherwise he wouldn't be here. He's like an animal abuser." She pointed at the Doctor and cried, "Animal Abuser!" She then began to weep once more.

Danielle's cry drew viewers to the scene. Without even knowing what had occurred, they took pity on Danielle. One of them, a nurse, came and hugged Danielle.

"There, there," she consoled, "Let's take you poor thing to the nurses' lounge so you can get a nice, big slice of chocolate cake and a tall bowl of milk."

"CAKE!" Danielle squealed.

"Why, yes, cake," the startled nurse replied.

"Hurray, cake!" Danielle cheered and turned towards the Doctor, "and I won't leave any for you, you perverted animal abuser." With that, she walked off with the kind nurse and several others.

At this time, a gurney came, and the Doctor gingerly placed Sam on the gurney. As nurses wheeled Sam away to be scanned, the Doctor turned to the nurse they were previously talking to.

"Listen, what Danielle was saying earlier…"

"I have you know, it is perfectly natural for a kitten to scratch things. They were just acting on their natural urges," she scolded wagging her clawed finger in front of the Doctor as if he was a child. With that, she turned to leave the poor Time Lord alone with the entire lobby shooting daggers at him and calling 911.

* * *

The Doctor placed his ear against the door trying in vain to hear what was happening in Sam's hospital room. The nurses had joined together to bar him from her room, and this was the only way he could make sure she was okay. He didn't trust her being in the room unconscious with Danielle even though there was a nurse.

"Little girl, I don't think your sister can eat the cake while she is unconscious. I think it would be best if you stop stuffing the cake into her mouth," the Doctor heard the nurse inside say.

"Oh, it's okay. I've done this to her thousands of times. Once she starts suffocating, she will know what to do. Oh look, she's turning a pretty blue. Come on, Sam. Swallow. I love the color blue."

At this point, the Doctor stood up and began to pull at the door so that he could go in and save Sam from her homicidal sister. It was lock, though, so all the Doctor achieved was a harsh, jingling noise. Before the Doctor could get his sonic screwdriver out, the nurse opened the door. He could see behind her Danielle stuffing more chocolate cake into her sister's mouth. Amazingly, Sam was slowly chewing it while she was unconscious.

"Stay away form these angels, you vile beast!" the nurse screeched. She then hissed and swiped at the Time Lord's face with her claws. Due to his superior reflexes, he managed to avoid it but fell on his butt in the process. The nurse then closed the door with a smug look on her face.

"Well, that was close one," he murmured rubbing his nose. As he inspect his nose of any scratches, the Doctor noticed a dark shadow looming over him and he look up at its source.

'_Well, if this day couldn't get any worse_.' he thought

Two Judoon stood over him aiming their guns at his head.

"Hello," the Doctor cheerily replied waving.

"Are you the Doctor of the TARDIS?"

"Why…. yes, I am- WHOA!"

The Judoon lifted the Doctor up and began to drag him down the hall towards the elevator.

"You are under suspicion of child and animal abuse. Prepare for interrogation."

"What!" the Doctor cried. "This is a mistake!"

Danielle popped her head out the door.

"Danielle, help me. HELP ME!" the Doctor cried.

"Bye, Doctor! Have fun with your friends," Danielle said looking down at her cake and taking a bite. "Oh, this cake is so good."

"Danielle, forget the cake. These aren't my friends, HELP!" he exclaimed as the elevator doors closed on him and the Judoon.

Danielle ignored him, though. The cake was so good.

* * *

A/N: _And now Nadie will continue her award-winning series of rants. This one will be based on the 10__th__ Doctor's last line in "The End of Time."_

Really! You really didn't want to leave. WHY THEN DID YOU LEAVE!?! I didn't want you, David Tennant and Russell T. Davies, to leave. I love you guys. Well, sometimes Davies makes me so mad that I want to get on an airplane, fly to Cardiff, slap him upside the head, and ask him "What were you thinking, man? I know you can do better?" I will never forgive him for "The Last of the Time Lords," but a lot of his episodes I love. "Children of Earth" is one of the best things I have ever seen on TV, and if it wasn't for "The Sound of the Drums," I might have not gotten any scholarships. David Tennant made me love _Doctor Who_. I watched some of the first season, but I lost interest until I saw the last scene with the 9th's regeneration and then watched "The Christmas Invasion." If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be writing this. I could be writing _Twilight_ fan fiction stories. (shudder) Don't tell me you don't want to leave because if you didn't you wouldn't be leaving and I wouldn't have to watch someone say the worst catch phrase ever (Geronimo really?) and be scared half to death if I am still going to love this awesome show with a new guy and new head writer. Thank you.

_Wow, that was long. Please forgive us. She really needed to get this off her chest. And Nadie I'll let the hurtful, insensitive jab at the most awesomest book, _Twilight_, slide because you were really, REALLY angry. Thanks for reading and review! _

_REVIEW!!!!!!!!_


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: We're back! Monkeys rejoice! Sorry it took so long. We have been battling the procrastination monster. It combined with work and summer schoolwork to create an unstoppable force, but we are working to defeat it. By the way, this chapter is dedicated to drwholuver and Miss Saxon.

Disclaimer: Although in this new season, the Doctor has eaten custard with fish, there were vampires ( CM: Hooray! Nadie: They weren't real. CM: Boo!), Amy made out with the Doctor (Another name to put on that ever growing list), and the Doctor wears a freaky bowtie, we did not hijack the show and now own _Doctor Who_. Apparently, there are people at the BBC who are either as or crazier than we are. Scary huh? When it comes to _Spongebob Squarepants_, well, if we were crazier than a group of people who believe pineapples grow underwater, I don't think the public would let us stay free.

Chapter 15

Now that she had finished all the cake and the kind nurse was gone, Danielle was bored. This was dangerous because the last time she was bored, she ended up being dinner for a cannibal. She tapped her fingers on the chair's arm trying to figure out what to do.

"Sam," she said poking her older, unconscious sister, "Wake up, I wanna play."

Sam still lay there.

"Sam, get up."

Sam still lay there.

Danielle stood up and grabbed a nearby bedpan. "Oh, look, an intruder has come and is about to hit me on the head with a bedpan. I wish my heroic sister would wake up and save me." She then proceeded to bang herself on the head with the bedpan.

Sam still lay there now giving a little snore.

Bored and now with a headache, Danielle was getting mad. She got onto the hospital bed and began to jump violently.

Sam still lay there.

"SAM, YOU BIG GOOFBALL, WAKE-"

_Bing!_

Danielle's head shot towards her cell phone on the dresser.

"Who can be texting me?" she pondered aloud and jumped off the bed to her cell.

'_What type of hospital has a room like this_?' the Doctor thought as her observed his surroundings. The elevator the Doctor and Judoon were on descended to what the Doctor assumed was the hospital's basement. The Judoon then dragged him to a room down the hall and strapped across the middle to a medal chair before departing. The room consisted of solely the chair and a metal table. The walls were bare except for mildew, and the ceiling had only a hanging light and the occasional drip of water.

'_It is a cross between a medieval torture chamber and a 1950s police interrogation room_,' the Doctor mused.

Since the strap was only across his middle, the Doctor was able to move his arms freely. Unfortunately, the Judoon threw his overcoat over the table, so he could not reach the sonic screwdriver that was in its pocket. He dug through his pant's pockets to try and find something to help him escape, but the Doctor did not think a Kleenex, a wad of gum, a paper clip, an old grocery list, and a broken wounded-up mouse could help. He really needed to clean out his pockets.

The Doctor then found a mechanical device. He knew it was a piece of technology because his fingers brushed against buttons. He pulled it out to reveal Martha's old cell phone. He looked at this and then at the mess on the table. He then looked back at the phone and then again the mess.

He pondered if he could use the toy mouse parts to pick the strap's lock, but no, the lock is ingrained into the strap. Maybe he could rub the paper clip against the strap and create enough friction to burn the strap. No, the strap is friction resistant, and he couldn't possibly do that. Maybe he could dethread the Kleenex, and with the grocery list, place the rest of the gum on the grocery list and throw it to his overcoat and reel it back to him so he could get his sonic screwdriver. Oh, now he was being ridiculous!

"Oh, why do I have to use the phone?" he lamented.

There was only one person in this time period he could ask for help from, and he did not want to talk to her.

He had no choice, through.

With gritted teeth, he began to text.

**'Danielle, please help me. I am on the bottom floor, third door to the right.'**

Almost immediately, he got a response.

**'Who r u? Haven't u heard of abrev?'**

** 'It's me, the Doctor.'**

** 'O, hello perverted animal abuser.'**

** 'Danielle, the Judoon have got me trapped in the hospital basement.'**

** 'The wha?'**

** 'Forget it. Danielle, you have got to help me.'**

** 'Why?'**

** 'Because we are friends and that is what friends do.'**

At this point, the Judoon entered. Startled, the Doctor placed the cell phone in his trouser pocket. One of the Judoon soldiers glanced at the pile of junk on the table and then at the Doctor.

"Uh, I was bored," the Time Lord replied nervously.

That answer was sufficient for the Judoon, and he slid the debris off the table. The Doctor's phone buzzed.

The Time Lord read:

**'F is for friends who do stuff together.'**

He texted:

**'What in Rassilon is that about?'**

"Doctor, you are under suspicion of child and animal abuse," the larger of the Judoon said.

"Yeah, about that. I didn't-"

"QUIET!" the Judoon cried, and the Doctor immediately hushed. The Judoon held up a hospital log. "It is stated here that you checked in a young girl by the name of Sam Ira who was unconscious from a concentrated blast of sonic energy. Isn't that true?"

"Well yes but-"

"QUIET!"

The Doctor's phone buzzed once again. It read:

**'U is for u and me.'**

** 'Danielle not helping.'**

The Judoon continued. "We also have several statements from visitors and staff saying Ms. Ira's sister called you an animal abuser, and she stated that you attempted to blast sonic energy at adolescent felines and injured Ms. Ira instead."

"You see, she was lying-"

"QUIET!"

Once again, the phone buzzed with this message.

**'N is for everything and any time at all down here in the deep blue sea.'**

** 'Danielle, please, I am begging you. Help me.'**

The Judoon continued, "Is all that we say true?"

The Doctor looked up from the cell phone. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't catch that."

The Judoon fumed. "Is all that we say true?"

"Well, yes all that happened but-"

"YES OR NO!" boomed the Judoon.

The Doctor shrunk in his chair a bit, "Yes," he meekly replied. He received another message.

**'F is for fire that burns down the whole town.'**

The Doctor eyes grew huge at this reply.

**'What is this about fire? I do not want any fire. I just want help, nice peaceful help.'**

The Judoon seemed satisfied with the Doctor's answer and began to tidy up. "Since we have your confession, we will now deport you to a nearby court where a justice will sentence you."

The Time Lord gawked. "What's this about a confession, I didn't confess to harming Sam or a couple of kittens."

"You said yes that all that was true."

"I meant all that had happened, not that it was accurate."

During the conversation, the Doctor received another message from Danielle. He quickly glanced down to read.

**'U is for uranium...'**

The Doctor gave up on Danielle and refused to reply. He looked back up at the Judoon and began to realize he needed to talk his way out of this mess.

"You said yes, and we will sentence you," replied the head Judoon and together with his comrade, began to lift the Doctor out of the chair by the arms and dragged him to the door.

"Oi!" the Doctor protested, "don't I have any rights like the right to explain myself, or a lawyer?"

The pair of Judoon stopped their procession. "Did you say lawyer?"

The Doctor gulped. "Yes," he replied fearing the worse.

The Judoon did an expression that the Doctor assumed was their way of rolling eyes. "Then, we will have to let you get a lawyer."

Relieved, the Doctor nodded his head in satisfaction. "Quite right."

He reached down to grab his cell phone, but before he could get it, the device buzzed. Suspicious, the head Judoon picked it up to read the message. He grinned.

"You are not allowed a lawyer," he said.

The Doctor had a bad feeling. "Why?"

The Judoon began to place automatic handcuffs on the Time Lord. "You, the Doctor of the TARDIS, are charged with terrorism. According to the Safe Universe Protocol 1-AB, you are no longer allowed any rights or trial. The automatic sentence will be given swiftly."

"Terrorism! Why am I charged with terrorism? I've done nothing!"

"You have a suspicious message on your communication device."

"What message?"

The Judoon lifted the cell phone. The message made the Doctor wish he never decided to go to Barcelona.

**'Bomb. N is for no survivors….'**

The Doctor felt like a planet dropped in his stomach. "What is the automatic sentence?"

The Judoon gave that nasty grin again. "Death."

A/N: There you go! We hope you like it. By the way, this story is taking place after _Journey's End_ for the Doctor and after _The Planet of the Dead_ for Sam and Danielle. We know a lot has happened since then, but this was when we started writing it. Don't worry, we will find ways to destroy the Doctor with the recent events. ;) Our new avatar is in memory of this chapter so take a peak. Read and Review!


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